Unsafe
by Once.Evil.Regal
Summary: Olivia is spinning out of control. And just when she thinks she's found solid ground, her control is stripped away again. Can she ever feel safe anywhere? Not E/O
1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1

Chapter 1

"Hi, can I help you?" Stabler approached the young woman who had just entered the squad room. She was looking around, seemingly nervous, but otherwise she seemed fine.

"I need to talk to Olivia Benson," She said, still looking around, barely acknowledging Stabler's presence.

"She's busy upstairs. Are you here to report something? I'm a detective, you can talk to me" Olivia was actually asleep in the crib, but he didn't think it would sound good to say 'she's sleeping'.

The woman shook her head, "No, I have to talk to Olivia Benson. If she's busy, I'll wait."

Stabler told her to wait at Olivia's desk, then went to the crib. Olivia was asleep on one of the cots. He hated to wake her up, she'd just closed a tough case and deserved her rest, but Elliot knew she would want to help this woman if she was a victim.

"Liv" She started awake at the sound of her name. She rubbed her eyes, which were still heavy with exhaustion, and ran her fingers through her hair, which was messy from hours of tossing and turning. "New case?" she asked. Elliot shrugged, then left the room.

Once she was fully awake, Olivia led the woman, who said her name was Sarah, into an empty room where they could talk privately. They sat down and Olivia waited for Sarah to say something, but she didn't. Finally Olivia asked if Sarah had been raped.

"I don't know," She said, looking at the table rather than Olivia.

"Were you attacked?" She asked. Sarah didn't have any visible cuts or bruises, but Olivia knew that didn't necessarily mean anything. Something could have been slipped into her drink at a bar and she'd never remember a thing.

"I don't know," She repeated.

"Sarah, why did you come here?" Olivia said in her soothing voice.

Sarah reached into her pocket and pulled out a key ring with a business card attached to it and handed it to Olivia. Her eyes widened when she realized it was one of her own cards, with a hole punched in it for the key ring. One the back there was a large number 1 written in black marker.

Sarah began to tell her story. The last thing she remembered was putting on her pajamas and curling up on the couch to watch a movie. She didn't even remember watching the movie. The next thing she remembered was waking up in her bed, wearing different underwear and pajamas then she had been wearing before, and her head throbbed painfully. All of her clothes were strewn across the floor and on her furniture, but otherwise nothing in her apartment had been disturbed. When she looked at the door, she saw her keys hanging on the chain lock. The key ring with Olivia's business card had been left on her key chain. She had to report what had happened anyway, and the business card said Olivia was a detective, so she decided to visit the precinct.

"Sarah, you should let a doctor do a rape kit. If you weren't raped I won't be able to help you. I can give you a ride if you'd like." Sarah agreed and they went to the hospital together. The doctor confirmed Sarah had trauma that was consistent with rape, but there were no hairs or fluids.

Elliot joined Olivia at the hospital just as the doctor was leaving. Before Olivia could say anything, Elliot said, "Another woman just came to the squad room asking to talk to you. She had this." He showed her an identical key ring and business card as Sarah had found. The only difference was a large number 2 written on the back.

Both victims had the exact same story. They woke up wearing something other than what they'd gone to bed in (even though they didn't actually remember going to bed), all of their clothes strewn everywhere, and their keys hanging from their chain lock with the business card on it. They both had trauma consistent with rape, but there was no other evidence.

"Well, it's official, nobody saw anything. Checked surveillance and nobody suspicious went in or out at the time of the rapes. Maybe it's a good thing they don't remember anything." Munch said, flopping down at his desk.

"You guys get anything?" Fin asked Olivia.

She shook her head, "Neither vics remember anything. They wouldn't even have known they were raped if they hadn't found my business card."

"We got any leads on that?" Cragen asked, his hands in his pockets as usual.

"Nothing. No prints other than mine and the victim's. He could have printed hundreds of them from anywhere."

"Have we checked out the revenge angle? Someone with a grudge against you?"

Olivia shrugged, "Could be any perp I've ever collared or any of their family or friends."

"Case is cold, cap," Elliot said, hating to admit it.

Cragen nodded, "Elliot and Olivia, check out anyone who might have been vocal about getting revenge. Fin, Much, you can get working on the Marks case. The case may be a dud, but we can't let a serial rape case drop without exhausting all the possibilities."

"Excuse me, I'm looking for Detective Olivia Benson." Olivia looked up to see the young woman looking nervous and a little sick. She was holding a set of car keys with a business card attached to it. On the back, the number 5 was visible.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

**Hey guys, thanks for reading! This if my first fan fic, so I hope you like it.**

Olivia talked to the latest victim, Kelsi, but it was the exact same story. She woke up in new clothes, her head hurt, she found the business card and the doctor confirmed she had been raped. The doctor said the memory loss was most likely the result of hitting her head on something, just like the other women. And just like the other women, there wasn't a shred of evidence to be found anywhere.

"Do you think he's counting his victims?" Elliot asked, looking at the black number 5 on the latest business card.

"If he is there are at least 2 more victims out there who haven't come forward." Olivia said. She felt as if she was letting the victims down. What was worse, she felt like this rapist was taunting her. What did he have against her?

"Maybe he's just trying to boost his reputation, making us think there are more victims than there really are?" Munch suggested.

Huang shook his head. "I don't think that's it. Serial rapists and killers are most often of above average intelligence. I doubt he would resort to such a simple lie. He knows we won't find any evidence; he doesn't have to lie about how many women he's raped. I think it's more likely his other victims didn't want to come forward, or maybe reported the attack to the local police as a break-in."

"I checked police reports for break-ins matching this guy's MO, no hits," Elliot said.

"Have you found any connection between the victims?" Huang asked.

Fin shook his head. "None. S'far as we can tell the only connection is the chain lock on their doors. They're different height, weight, eye colour, hair colour, skin colour - this guy doesn't discriminate against anyone."

"Look into their backgrounds, see if you can find anything that connects these women," Cragen said, just as frustrated as the other detectives with their lack of evidence.

"Um, excuse me? I'm looking for Detective Benson." Number 7.

"Dana Sanders, same MO as all the others. Card says she's number 7. She doesn't remember anything," Olivia informed them all when she came back from the hospital, where they had confirmed Dana's rape. She sank into her chair, officially fed up with the case.

"Any leads on 3, 4 and 6?" Cragen asked.

Elliot crossed his arms. "Nothing, no reported break-ins match the rapes."

"We have to give it to the press, that's the only way we're going to find the other victims," Olivia sighed. She hated dealing with the press, but she knew it was necessary.

"Do it. Leave out the key chain, just the clothes and the memory loss. We need to hold on to the details if we're gonna nail this guy."

The press conference brought them victims 3, 6 and 8. They're stories matched exactly, even the previously unmentioned business card. As the numbers grew, it was becoming increasingly clear that there was no connection between any of the victims. Olivia was working tirelessly, reading and rereading every piece of background information they had about the victims, but every time she thought she'd found a connection, she found one victim who didn't fit the pattern. Elliot was getting worried.

"Liv, you need to take a break. Have you even slept since this case started?" He asked.

"Of course," She lied. It wasn't completely untrue, she'd fallen asleep at her desk several times, and managed a few hours of tossing and turning in the crib, but it was starting to get to her. She'd only gone home long enough to shower and change her clothes. It had been almost a week since the first victim had come forward.

"Elliot's right, Olivia, you look like hell. Go home and get some rest," Cragen ordered. She thought about disobeying him, but decided she didn't have the energy to argue with him, and she really did need sleep. She was just heading out the door when a deliveryman came in holding a large envelope addressed to her.

"What is it?" Elliot asked, seeing her stunned face when she pulled out the contents of the envelope.

"They're pictures," she said, walking back to her desk and spreading out the photos. There was one of each other them, clearly taken recently. They looked like those a private investigator would take. The strangest thing about the photos was the black figure that loomed behind them in each of the photos. Underneath each photo was a caption that read: Why aren't I your shadow? Underneath Olivia's, however, the caption read: I am your shadow.

"He's your shadow?" Elliot said, confused, "He's stalking you?"

Olivia was so tired and fed up she just started to laugh. Everyone looked at her. "What's so funny?" Fin asked.

"This is, what, the fourth time I've been stalked? I just can't help thinking it should really be someone else's turn. Let me know if you find anything, I'm going home." She turned to walk away.

"Wait, Liv, I'll give you a ride," Elliot said, rushing after her.

"Follow me and I'll break your nose." Olivia smiled and then left, leaving Elliot looking after her, trying to fight the fear and worry in the pit of his stomach.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

Olivia tried to sleep, but no matter how hard she tried she couldn't seem to get comfortable. She was completely exhausted, but she just kept seeing the victims and the files of information. Her mind wouldn't stop racing, trying desperately to find a connection between the victims. After nearly six hours of tossing and turning, drifting in and out of restless sleep, Olivia finally gave up and got out of bed. She took a cool shower, hoping to wake herself up, but it didn't work. She put on extra concealor in the hopes of hiding her lack of sleep, but it was still obvious she was exhausted. It didn't matter; she knew she wouldn't be able to sleep until they cracked the case. The best she could hope for was falling asleep at her desk for a few hours.

"Did you get any sleep?" Elliot asked, already knowing the answer.

"No. I just can't get this case out of my head. We have to help these women. Did you find anything on the photos or the envelope?" She was pretty sure she already knew the answer.

"Nothing. Delivery guy doesn't know anything. We got another vic, number 9, but it's the same story. CSU's checking out her apartment, but they're not gonna find anything. You might as well try to rest, there's nothing you can do right now." Elliot was a little worried about her. He was starting to doubt they'd ever catch this guy and the case was really getting to Olivia.

Knowing there was no point trying to sleep, Olivia went to her desk to look over the latest victim's file. After about an hour, she got her wish. She fell asleep at her desk and everyone decided to let her sleep. Even Cragen didn't mind.

"Think we should wake her up?" "No, let her sleep, we're not going to find anything anyway." "She's gonna be pissed we didn't wake her up." "Let her be pissed, at least she'll be well rested."

Olivia finally made out Elliot and Fin talking and realized what they were saying. She lifted her head up and rubbed her eyes, yawning. She looked at the clock; She had slept for 4 hours. "What've you got?" she asked Fin and Elliot.

"Didn't want to wake you, you looked like you could use the sleep. We got more mail from our perp. Pictures of everyone's apartment building, including the one I stayed in when Kathy and I were separated, and my house. No caption. Probably trying to spook us," Elliot said, showing her the pictures. There was a shadowed figure standing at the edge of each picture.

"Same as before. No name, nobody remembers seeing him, no prints, absolutely nothing useful." Olivia sighed, rolling her head from side to side to get out the stiffness.

"We talked to Huang, but there's really not enough info for an in-depth profile. We're just gonna have to wait for him to slip up. Look, I'm going home. You should, too. I'll give you a ride if you want one," Elliot offered. Olivia sighed. She knew there was no point in staying and she was starving. She gave in and let Elliot drive her home, ignoring his warning to be careful.

When she got home she changed into her pyjamas and curled up on the couch with a blanket. She didn't expect to concentrate on anything, but she decided to watch a movie anyway. She fell asleep before it was over.

A soft knocking on the door woke her up. It took her a minute to realize she wasn't at the station anymore. When she got up she saw an envelope had been slipped under her door. She grabbed her gun and opened the door, looking around for whoever had knocked. There was a woman coming towards her, pulling out her keys to enter the apartment a couple doors down. "Hey, did you see a man leaving this hall on your way here?" The woman shook her head, mouth open slightly in shock at Olivia, barefoot and in her pjs, carrying a gun. Olivia rushed past her and down the stairs, looking around hopelessly. She had no idea what she was looking for. He wouldn't be running, that would be too suspicious, and she had no hope of recognizing him.

When she got back to her apartment the door was locked. She struggled to get it open, but it wouldn't budge. She swore loudly and kicked the door in frustration, but it was no use. She had no keys, no cell phone and, worst of all, no shoes. She knocked on the door of the woman she had spoken to earlier. "Sorry to bother you again, but I'm locked out. I'm a detective, but I left my badge in my apartment. Can I use your phone?"

The woman was eyeing the gun suspiciously, so Olivia emptied to chamber. The woman nodded and let Olivia use her phone. She called the only person she could: Elliot. "El, I'm locked out. He was here. I'd kick down the door but I'm sort of…look, just get over here. Please."

Elliot didn't think twice about rushing to help Olivia. He got dressed as fast as he could, slipped on his coat and shoes, and then drove to Olivia's apartment. He'd been worried about the possibility of her being attacked, and this didn't ease that worry. Sure, she hadn't actually been attacked, but he was there, he'd had the chance. Elliot raced up the stairs, not bothering with the elevator. When he finally saw her standing in the hallway, he nearly burst out laughing. He managed to contain his laughter, but not his grin.

"Well I'm glad you think it's funny. I really don't see the humour," she said, crossing her arms, gun still in her hand. She'd put the bullets back in the chamber.

Elliot walked over to her door and tried the handle. "Wow, I hadn't thought of that! Did it work?" Olivia said sarcastically.

Elliot ignored her. He got out his own gun and kicked in the door. Olivia wasn't really pleased, but she didn't want to wait for a locksmith any more than Elliot did. She followed him inside, her gun poised just in case. When they cleared the apartment she went into the kitchen, where Elliot stood frozen, staring at about 50 pictures of Olivia that had been taped together and attached to her cabinets with duct tape. Written across the entire collage was the message 'I am your shadow', and littered on the floor were hundreds of business cards, all identical to the ones that had been left with the victims.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

**Thanks for all your reviews; I'm glad to see people are enjoying the story **

Olivia felt a chill run down her spine. She went into her bedroom and pulled on a sweater and some sneakers. She grabbed a suitcase from the closet and packed as much as she could as fast as she could.

"You can stay at my place," Elliot said, his voice full of sorrow and sympathy. He could tell Olivia was scared and frustrated. She'd been stalked before, but this was different. This time she's been stripped of her control and left feeling unsafe and unsure of herself.

Kathy wasn't exactly thrilled at the idea of having Olivia stay with them, but when she saw that Olivia only ever came over to shower and change her clothes, she decided not to say anything about it. Olivia didn't even sleep at Elliot's. She spent her nights at the station, either pouring over case files or tossing and turning on a cot in the crib. Cragen tried to convince her to go to Elliot's and get some sleep, but eventually gave up. He didn't have the heart to order her to leave after what had happened to her, but they were all worried about her. She gave up interviewing victims and instead stormed out of the squadroom whenever a victim asked for her. This above all was what made Cragen finally give in and order Olivia to leave.

Olivia went to Elliot's house, but while Elliot was still at work she felt unwelcome. She didn't think Kathy had any real animosity towards her, but it was an awkward situation. So Olivia packed her bags and checked into a hotel. She didn't feel completely safe, knowing the man who had broken into her apartment would have no trouble finding her if he really wanted to, but the only place she really felt safe was the precinct, and Cragen would probably put her on suspension if she tried to go back. So she set her gun on the nightstand and closed her eyes, willing her mind to settle long enough for her to fall asleep.

"Liv's really letting this case get to her, huh?" Munch said to Elliot.

He shook his head. "If we don't get something on this guy soon…"

"She'll be alright, she's tough," Fin assured him.

"Think about it: This job is her whole life, and now she feels she can't even do that. She needs something outside of work to focus on. She should at least take a vacation. I hate to say it, but she could be on the edge of a burnout if she doesn't distance herself from this case." Huang said. Nobody really wanted to hear it, but it's what they'd all been thinking. The job was finally getting to Olivia.

Olivia woke up feeling as if her eyelids weighed a thousand pounds. She forced her eyes open and immediately closed them when the bright sunlight made her head throb painfully. She felt cold and shaky. She sat up and immediately regretted it, barely making it to the bathroom in time to be sick. Her whole body was shaking and she could barely sit up. She lay down on the cold tile and closed her eyes.

When she opened her eyes again she felt another wave of nausea and sat up, coughing violently because there was nothing left in her stomach. She was shivering harder than ever but she managed to pull herself up to the sink, where she turned on the water in an attempt to clear the fog that seemed to swirl through her mind, making her thoughts hazy and unclear. When she looked in the mirror the first thing she noticed was that her face was whiter than the sheets on her bed. The second was that she was wearing pyjamas. Her mind might have been hazy, but she was sure she had never put on her pyjamas.


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

Panic surged through her. She splashed cold water on her face, trying to clear her head, but all she could think about was how much her head hurt and how sick and weak she felt. She began to sob and collapsed to her knees, unable to stand anymore. She tried to steady her breathing, knowing she could pass out if she didn't, but she blacked out anyway.

Again she awoke feeling nauseous and weak, but she was no longer shaking and she didn't throw up. She crawled over to the bed and pulled herself onto it. After resting for a minute, she looked around to see what she had missed the first time she woke up. Her suitcase was open and its contents were all over the room. The business card wasn't attached to her key chain, but it was there, sitting on top of her gun. She turned it over and saw a large number 13 written in black marker.

Still staring at the business card, she picked up her cell phone and hit the speed dial for Elliot. He answered on the third ring, "Liv, what's up?"

"I need you to come over here," she said, trying to keep her voice calm. She knew she had failed because she could hear the fear in Elliot's voice when he asked where she was. She gave him quick directions to the hotel, then hung up. She rolled onto her side and passed out again.

"Liv? Olivia?!" She opened her eyes to see Elliot leaning over her, looking terrified.

"I'm okay," she managed weakly. He shook his head and lifted her into his arms. Normally she would have insisted on walking herself, but she wasn't even sure she could walk. Even if she could, this was one of the few moments in her life when she was happy to relinquish control to someone else. She just wrapped her arms around his neck and let him carry her out to his car.

She closed her eyes and fell asleep/passed out in the car. She wasn't sure which it was because she wasn't just ill; she was completely exhausted. She didn't wake up when Elliot pulled her out of the car or when the ER doctors examined her. She slept for almost 6 hours and woke up feeling rested and refreshed for the first time since she started working the case 3 weeks ago. Elliot was the first thing she saw when she opened her eyes.

"Hey. How're you feeling?" He asked, his eyes full of worry.

She shrugged, avoiding his gaze.

"You have a minor concussion like the others, but he injected you with something. Tox hasn't come back yet, but the doc thinks it was GHB. He said the symptoms can resemble the stomach flu. Do you remember anything about last night?"

She shook her head and was silent for a minute, then she said, "Was, uh…was I raped?" It was an odd feeling. She'd said the word so many times before, heard women talk about it countless times, told them more times than she could remember that they had nothing to be ashamed of. But this time was different. Suddenly the word tasted filthy in her mouth and she was filled with shame and embarrassment. As an SVU detective she knew there was nothing to be ashamed of. She thought she understood how victims felt, but experiencing it herself made her realize how little she really understood.

"No," Elliot assured her, putting a hand on her shoulder as tears began to stream down her cheeks. She felt unbelievably relieved, but also scared, angry and helpless. She hated the feeling and she hated letting Elliot see her cry even more. She'd never shed more than a few tears in his presence during their nearly decade old partnership, and never in all that time had she felt more like crying than right then. She couldn't hold it in any longer and buried her face in her hands as she began to sob, her whole body shaking.


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6

**Well I wasn't sure about the GHB angle, I'd considered it but I wasn't sure it'd have the exact effects I wanted. Thanks, Jennalynne, for providing me with the info I needed.**

Once she regained a bit of composure, Olivia made Elliot leave. The doctor came in a short time later and discharged her, saying she should go home and get some rest. She almost laughed at the idea, but kept her mouth shut. She still couldn't go home. CSU had finished with it (they hadn't found anything) but she still hadn't replaced the broken lock on her door. She couldn't go back to the hotel after what had happened. Elliot had brought her suitcase and clothes to the hospital. She knew Elliot would want her to go back to his place, but she couldn't. Finally she gave up and went to the one place she still felt somewhat safe: the precinct.

Cragen almost had a fit when he saw Olivia, insisting that she turn around and take at least a day off, but she assured him she only wanted to stay in the crib. Seeing the pain in her eyes and hearing the almost pleading tone in her voice, he gave in. He didn't have the heart to send her away, knowing how shaken she was by everything that had happened.

As she was making her way to the crib, Olivia noticed Lake. He'd been on vacation for the first 2 weeks of the case and she'd barely said a word to him since his return. Now she stopped and stared when she saw him. He had a black eye.

"What happened to you?" She asked.

"You didn't hear? You weren't the only one that psycho went after last night. He broke into everyone's house, left more of the photos. He gave me a black eye."

"You saw him?!" Olivia jumped on this knew information.

Lake shook his head, regretting ever saying anything. "No, I took some sleeping pills. I was almost out of it when I heard him. Barely had my eyes open when he slugged me and hit me in the head with something. Never would have happened if I'd taken my pills at 11 like I normally do, but I had some work to finish. Sorry Liv, I was totally out of it."

Olivia felt her heart sink. Lake went on to explain that Elliot, Fin, Much and even Cragen had found the pictures on their kitchen table. Perp had left one on his table, too, after knocking him out. She barely heard him, though. It was more useless information, as far as she was concerned. She just thanked Lake and went to the crib. She didn't bother trying to sleep; it was the middle of the day. She resigned herself to boredom and lay there, staring at the ceiling.

The next day Cragen let her get back to work. He wouldn't let her work the serial rape case anymore, though. She didn't even care. Victims were still flooding in to the squadroom, but she knew there wouldn't be any knew information. Her mind kept wandering and she was having trouble focusing, but she was keeping it together enough to do her paperwork. She had asked Cragen to put her on desk duty because she needed some time away from actual cases and victims. It helped that Elliot knew enough not to comment on her decision.

Her tox screen had come back from the hospital and confirmed that she'd been injected with GHB. She'd already known that. They knew by the needle mark in her arm that whoever had attacked her knew how to use a needle, but that meant nothing. They had no evidence and Olivia doubted they ever would.

"We got another present from our favourite perp," Much said, holding up a tiny white box for everyone to see. Olivia barely looked at it. John opened it up to reveal a packaged condom. The perp had written 'ha ha' on the wrapper in black marker.

"Not exactly the sophistication I would expect from someone with supposedly above average intelligence," Munch said, handing the box to Fin.

"What do you think it means?" Lake asked.

"We know what it means. He knows we can't find any evidence on the victims; he either used a condom or a foreign object. He's just taunting us," Olivia said bitterly.

"I don't think that's what this is. Serial rapists and killers don't get pleasure from just teasing law enforcement. They take pleasure in dangling their identity in front of everyone and knowing that no one can see it. They want to show they're smarter than the police. Anyone can send false clues, anyone can tease the police, this guy thinks he is smarter than all of you," Huang explained.

"He is." Olivia walked out of the squadroom. Everyone was silent, not really sure what to say or do. They wanted to help her but no one knew how.

Elliot found Olivia a few hours later, emptying to contents of her locker into her suitcase. "Cragen told me you're taking a vacation."

"Yeah, I am."

"Where you gonna go?"

"I don't know yet."

"How long are you gonna be gone?"

Olivia sighed and closed her suitcase, having emptied her locker. "I told Cragen if I'm not back in 3 weeks, I'm not coming back at all."

Elliot nodded. After a few seconds of awkward silence, he asked, "Are you planning on coming back?"

Olivia looked into Elliot's eyes, her own eyes seemed to be begging for his forgiveness. "No, Elliot. Goodbye." She left the room without another word.

**Go on, click that little purple button and start typing!**


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7

**Well I thought about leaving you all hanging for a while, wondering what's going to happen to Liv, but lucky for all of you, I love writing and posting this story even more than you like reading it. So here ya go. Enjoy! Oh, by the way, I'm up to chapter 15 and still going!**

"Hey El, where's Liv?" Fin asked a few days after Olivia had left. He had noticed her absence but everyone had assumed she would be coming back.

"She left," He said, not looking up from the files on his desk.

"She go on vacation?" Lake asked.

Elliot shrugged, "Sort of. I don't think she's coming back."

"Not…you mean she left SVU?" Fin was shocked, along with everyone else. Suddenly no one knew what to say. They all stood or sat in silence. They couldn't believe Olivia had actually left. Her work had always been her life. What was she going to do?

In a small hotel room in New Jersey, Olivia was wondering the same thing. She had no real reason for wanting to go to New Jersey; she just wanted to get far away from New York. She had no idea what she was going to do or where she was going to go, but she didn't care. She felt like she'd just thrown her whole life out the window and it sent her mind spinning. She only knew once thing that could calm her thoughts and let her forget her worries; alcohol.

She spent most of her first afternoon in and out of bars. By the time she got back to her room at 10 she could barely walk straight, and she was content to just collapse on her bed and let the alcohol carry her away.

Olivia almost never got hangovers no matter how drunk she got, so when she woke up the next day she had a minor headache that she barely noticed. She went out to explore the area and buy some food and some new shoes because she'd left all but the sneakers on her feet behind. Eventually she would have to go back to deal with her apartment, but she would think about that later. At that moment she was actually starting to forget her life in New York and that's what she wanted.

She bought some movies and 2 bottles of vodka before heading back to her hotel room. She was hoping not to drink more than a couple glasses of vodka and orange juice, just to take the edge off, but after 3 glasses her mind was still spinning with thoughts of victims and numbers and photos of herself and her co-workers. She poured herself glass after glass, increasing the concentration of alcohol, until it once again carried her off to sleep.

The next 3 days were much of the same. She spent the day walking around, going in and out of stores. When the sun started to set, she headed for the bar for martinis. She knew she had to stop drinking so much before it got out of control, but she just couldn't. Without alcohol she was afraid she wouldn't be able to sleep. Or, if she did manage to sleep, she would have horrible nightmares. She decided she would rather deal with a possible alcohol addiction than face what she was running from.

"Hey, babe, why ownchew aneye get outta ere, uh?" Olivia nearly fell off her stool trying to get away from the man's sickening breath. He was slurring his words heavily and was extremely unsteady on his feet.

"Greg, Greg, come on, get off her," Another, slightly smaller man grabbed the drunk's arms and dragged him away from Olivia, who had covered her nose with her mouth. Normally she would have punched him, but she wasn't quite drunk enough to think that was a good idea. The smaller man sent his friend wobbling in the opposite direction, then turned back to Olivia, "Sorry about that. He's on vacation. Guess he got a little carried away. I'm Tori." He held out his hand.

"That's nice," Olivia said dryly, turning her back to him. The last thing she wanted around her was a man, after all she'd been through. She knew she could probably use a friend to lean on, but she had absolutely no trust in men anymore.

_I couldn't let her just lie there. I'd been watching her for quite some time, but I knew I shouldn't go near her. Not yet, anyway. She was clearly in a downward spiral, and she needed help. Should I risk getting close to her? Would she even let me? And if she didn't let me, should I push my way in? But she saved me from making a decision at all. She needed my help and took away her own control. I had no choice but to take her back to her room. I knew where she was staying, of course, I'd seen her enough times. I set her on her bed and considered leaving, but decided not to. She would be angry, but this would probably be my only chance to get truly close to her. Just watching her from afar was torturing me. So I used this opportunity to drink in every minute I could until she woke up and kicked me out. I hoped she wouldn't, but I wasn't naïve. For what seemed like forever, I'd been like her shadow, watching and waiting, trying to get close. Maybe that sounded a little stalker-like, but I couldn't help being attracted to her._

SVUSVUSVUSVUSVUSVU

"Have you talked to Olivia at all lately?" Munch casually asked Elliot one day, almost 2 weeks after she had left.

Elliot's jaw tightened, "Not since she left."

It was no secret that Elliot was scared out of his mind. It wasn't just because he had most likely lost his partner, but no one had heard from her in a long time. And what was even worse, it seemed like the serial rapist had stopped attacking women after Olivia left. Elliot was going crazy, he wanted to rush to her side and make sure she was safe, but he had no idea where she was. No one in the unit knew.

"She'll be alright, Elliot, she just needs her space," Fin assured him. He didn't look up from his desk. He'd gone over it hundreds of times in his head, asking himself question after question. Where might she have gone? Is she coming back? Would she call if something were really wrong? Would it be on the news if something bad happened to her? What if he dumped her body somewhere and they didn't find it for weeks? He couldn't handle that. He'd tried to track her through her debit card and credit card, but she hadn't used either of them since she left New York. She'd taken out enough money before leaving to support herself for at least 2 months.

**And just to tease you all a little…**

_Olivia ran full out, but there was nowhere to go once she reached the tiny room. He was on her heels and she had no hopes of getting away. She jumped over the bed and struggled to open the balcony door, her heart pounding from adrenaline, but her fingers wouldn't open the lock. He skidded to a halt and put his hands on either side of her, smearing his sweaty handprints onto the glass. She whipped around to look into his eyes, the sound of his panting almost drowned out by the pounding of her hear, "Gotcha," he said, his voice rough in his raw throat. _

**I've been thinking about taking a nice long vacation lately, somewhere with no internet access, what do you all think? No, bad idea? Alright, maybe I'll stay if I get some nice reviews from all of you :P**


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8

**Hey, SVUfloetry, I really appreciate your compliment. Yes, I am absolutely positive I've never written fan fic before, but I have written a few novels. And thanks to everyone who wrote reviews, I really appreciate them. So I can't leave you hanging anymore. We have to go back in time a little to catch up with Liv…**

Olivia's head was pounding and she really didn't want to get up. She'd never had a real hangover before, but she guessed she could only avoid it for so long with the amount of drinking she was doing. She sat up slowly and rubbed her eyes. When she finally opened them she had to cover her eyes because the light was so bright. She tried to open them again, slowly, and was shocked to see that it was suddenly darker than it had been a second ago. She looked around and saw what had happened: there was a man in her hotel room, and he'd just closed her blinds, "Sorry, should have done that earlier."

Olivia was on her feet a split second, gun in hand and pointed directly at the intruder. "Whoa! Alright, I'm sorry, relax!" he said, his eyes wide with fear and his hands in the air.

"Who the hell are you?" Olivia practically snarled at him.

"Tori, my name's Tori," He hurried to spit out the words, staring at the gun. He'd expected her to be surprised and probably angry to see him, but this was not at all what he had pictured.

"What are you doing here?" She asked, still glaring angrily at him, struggling to keep her hands steady.

"You were pretty wasted at the bar last night, you could barely walk. I dragged my friend out to the car and I was going to make a phone call when I saw you trip. I helped you up and you just sort of passed out, so I brought you back to your room. I came back this morning to see if you were okay and give you back your key. When you didn't answer I figured I'd just leave it on the table, but you woke up before I could leave," he explained, not daring to move.

"How did you know this was my room?" She said, letting herself relax a little, but her hand was still poised on the trigger.

"I saw you come up here once when I was leaving my friend's room. I sort of…memorized the number," he confessed. He didn't want to admit he'd been keeping an eye on her, but he wasn't about to deny her the information she wanted while she had a gun pointed at his chest.

"Get out. Now." She said firmly, lowering the gun.

"At the risk of…well, being shot, I have to tell you, I spend a lot of time at the bar. Like I said before, I'm here with a friend and he's a little too into his alcohol. I've seen you there for the past 3 nights and every night you go home wasted. I don't know what you're trying to forget, but if you ask me, you're well on your way to forgetting permanently." He sensed he had worn out his welcome a long time ago, so he quickly left before she could change her mind about shooting him.

Olivia sighed with relief. She locked her door and sat down on the bed again, setting the gun on the nightstand. Her heart was pounding and she felt like screaming and crying and shooting something. In the end she settled for letting her tears fall while she watched a movie. She had a tall glass of orange juice with a hint of vodka to settle her nerves. She was sick of herself, sick of what she was becoming, but what else could she do? She was already in a downward spiral, at least with alcohol she wouldn't have to dwell on it so much.

There was a knock on the door and Olivia got up to answer it. She looked through the peephole and almost growled in frustration and anger. It was Tori, the man who'd just broken into her hotel room. She grabbed her gun off the nightstand and opened the door.

"Is that thing glued to your hand or are you just paranoid?" He said, looking down at the gun.

"You have some nerve coming back here. What the hell do you want?" she snapped.

"Look, I'm really sorry. I screwed up. But I really didn't mean anything by it; I just wanted to give your key back. And I figured since you were still passed out, I'd just catch another glimpse of you. I didn't think you'd react like that. I usually make a better first impression," he smiled.

Olivia couldn't help thinking how cute he was. He had bright green eyes that were lined slightly with age, but his perfect teeth and his crooked smile could almost make you think he was a kid. He was wearing jeans that were a little too big and a loose black t-shirt. He wasn't much taller than Olivia, and he was pretty skinny, but his arms looked strong and solid despite their size. He had a quirky sort of charm that suited his smile perfectly. But no matter how cute he was, Olivia couldn't shake her unease. She just wanted him gone.

"Well, I usually don't try to shoot people I've just met, so we'll call it even," She said dryly, rolling her eyes.

"Let me start over," he said. His voice was so soft, his tone so unlike the cocky personality he had previously portrayed that Olivia was stunned. "What did you have in mind?"

"Let me make you some breakfast," he said. Olivia couldn't stop her mind from jumping to all kinds of horrible conclusions, but she drove them from her mind.

"What are you planning on making? I don't have much in the way of groceries," she said.

"Come to my room, I'll show you how to make crepes. You can even bring the gun if you want," he glanced down at it again, but not with the fear he had before. All of the usual cockiness in his voice had returned and he seemed much more sure of himself.

Olivia closed the door. Not really sure what to do, Tori waited. He noticed a woman down the hall had stopped to look at him, probably wondering why he was just standing in the middle of the hall. He flashed her a smile and she walked away. When Olivia opened the door again she was wearing a clean t-shirt and had her gun strapped to her belt. She closed and locked the door, then followed Tori to his hotel room a few doors down.


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter 9

**Not much action in this one, but I think it's cute. Planning to post chapter 10 very soon.**

"Got enough syrup?" Olivia asked, watching Tori pour enough maple syrup on his crepe for about 4 thick pancakes.

He laughed, "Yes, actually. This'll probably get me through 5 more crepes. What can I say; I'm addicted to the stuff. Want some?"

Olivia accepted and poured a little on her crepe, the looked down at the incredibly flat pancake. She'd never eaten a crepe before and she wasn't really sure what to do. Her fork would be useless on something that flat. She looked up at Tori, a little helplessly. He laughed and then started folding the flat circle into a triangle. Then he skewered the whole thing on his fork and picked it up, letting some of the syrup drip off before he started eating. Olivia followed his lead. "Wow, this is delicious." She said, feeling a little childish but enjoying it nonetheless.

"Want a drink?" Tori asked after grabbing a second crepe from the stack infront of him. Olivia nodded "That'd be great."

Tori came back with two glasses of milk and a bottle of Bailey's. He poured some in his own glass of milk, then set the bottle on the floor and started folding his second crepe, which was already soaked in syrup.

"Wait, don't I get any?" Olivia asked, laughing when he put the bottle on the floor.

"Nope. As of right now you are in Alcoholic Not-So-Anonymous. Drink up, milk's good for ya," He said, taking a bite of his dripping crepe.

Olivia laughed again, "Wow, you couldn't make that any cheesier if you tried, could you?" He smiled. She looked down at her glass, a little disappointed. She really was thirsty and she knew she needed to stop drinking so much. She sighed and took a sip of milk before going back to her food.

"You know, I notice I'm at a disadvantage here. You're in my room, eating my food, a gun strapped to your belt and I don't even know your name," Tori said, grabbing another crepe.

"Olivia Benson" She hadn't meant to let her last name slip, but decided it didn't matter. If he were really someone to worry about, he would already know her name. "What about your name. Is it short for something?"

"Nope, it's just Tori, Tori Swanson. My mom had a thing for weird names. My brother's name was Raiden and my sister's Mercedes," He said, smiling affectionately as he thought about them.

"What are you doing at this hotel?" She asked.

"I'm in this specific location because of my friend Greg. He's visiting from Scotland, but we do our own thing mostly. As for why I left home, I needed to get away. Every few years I like to take a long break from work."

"What do you do for a living?"

"I'm a pediatric oncologist. I get to see kids go through the most horrible experiences of their lives, deal with parents who feel like they can't handle it all. Seeing people at their worst day after day, you have to get away or else you're just gonna burn out."

Olivia's mouth was dry. She understood what he meant completely. "What about you, what do you do?"

"I'm a cop," she answered quickly.

He laughed. "I can't imagine you in a uniform."

"Yeah. They were specifically invented to make women look as masculine as possible," she joked. She didn't know why she was lying to him; she just didn't want to talk about what was really going on in her life. "What happened to your brother?" She hoped to divert his attention.

"What do you mean?"

"You said his name _was_ Raiden. I assume there's a reason for the past tense."

"Wow, you _are _a cop. I gave him my kidney but he rejected it, died a couple months later," He said, his voice casual. He didn't even avoid Olivia's gaze like most people did when talking about something painfully.

"I'm really sorry," She said.

"No, you're not, you just think that's what you should say. But I appreciate the sentiment. It was a really long time ago, I've had a long time to get over it." He smiled reassuringly and she couldn't help but smile back.

"So tell me: Olivia has a lot of syllables in it. Can I call you something shorter?" He asked.

"What did you have in mind?"

"What do your friends call you?"

Olivia was tempted to say, 'I don't have any friends, but my co-workers call me Liv.' But instead she just said, "Liv"

He chuckled. "What's so funny?" she asked, a little insulted.

"I just think it's sort of ironic, considering what you came here for," he said.

"What? What do you…you think I came here to…I did not!" She said, truly insulted this time.

"You're right, that was out of line, I'm sorry. You just came here to cry and put some holes in your liver. Right," his tone was perfectly serious, but his words were dripping with sarcasm nonetheless. She knew she should be angry with him, but she couldn't help laughing. He had a point, after all, and he had a knack for making her smile.

"Alright, what would you rather call me?" She challenged.

"I like Ben. I'm very into the cross-gender names, especially on women. Very sexy," he said.

"Let's stick with Liv," she said.

"Well you know, I could handle two syllables."

"What do you mean?"

"I could call you Olive."

"So Ben, huh? Short and sweet, I like it."

"Olive."

"I swear I will shoot you," she said, clenching her jaw and putting a hand on her gun. Tori laughed, then smiled at her, "Ben it is, then."


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter 10

"Elliot, come in here."

Elliot got up and walked into Cragen's office, closing the door behind him. "What's up, cap?"

"How's it working out with you and Munch?"

"Pretty good."

"Have you heard anything from Olivia since she left?"

Elliot's jaw tightened. So Cragen hadn't heard anything from her, either. That really worried him. It had been 2 weeks, she should have called by now. He'd been over to her apartment (he had a key because he'd replaced the broken lock) and everything she'd left behind was still there. "No, I haven't heard from her."

"Did you talk to her at all before she left?"

"Yeah. If you're asking me whether or not she's coming back, I don't know. She said she wasn't, but I don't really know if I believe her. She might just need some time away."

Cragen nodded, "I hope you're right. Let me know if you hear anything from her. That's all." Elliot nodded and left the office.

SVUSVUSVUSVUSVUSVU

Olivia ran full out, but there was nowhere to go one she reached the tiny room. He was on her heels and she had no hopes of getting away. She jumped over the bed and struggled to open the balcony door, her heart pounding from adrenaline, but her fingers wouldn't open the lock. He skidded to a halt and put his hands on either side of her, smearing his sweaty handprints onto the glass. She whipped around to look into his eyes, the sound of his panting almost drowned out by the pounding of her hear, "Gotcha," he said, his voice rough in his raw throat. She had lost and she knew it.

"Doesn't matter, I still beat you," she said, shoving him onto the bed and sitting down beside him to catch her breath.

"You didn't get to the balcony."

"Neither did you."

"You had a head start," He said, smiling broadly.

"Bull shit. Just admit I'm faster than you," she said, shoving him playfully. Everything they did together was so juvenile, but it felt perfect. She hadn't touched a drop of alcohol since she met Tori because suddenly she didn't need it anymore.

"Not a chance." He leaned over and kissed her. She returned his kiss, letting herself fall backwards onto the bed.

There was a knock at the door and Tori swore under his breath. Olivia smiled "Leave it," she said, pulling him down to her again. There was a soft swish sound and Tori looked up to see an envelope pushed under the door, "You've got mail." He said.

Olivia shoved him off of her, nearly knocking him off the bed, and darted for the door, grabbing her gun as she went. She flung open the door and looked around, but there was no one to be seen. She sighed and looked down at the envelope, then started laughing. Tori was stunned. He got up slowly and walked over to pick up the envelope, which had his name written on it, followed by small, cramped writing. It was a note from his friend Greg saying he was going away for a few days, with a key to his room inside. Olivia sat down on the edge of the bed and buried her face in her hands while Tori closed the door and slid the key back in the envelope. "So…you gonna tell me what that was about?"

Olivia uncovered her face and smiled brightly at him, "Nope."

He stood there with his arms crossed, his jaw clenched and his eyebrows squeezed together in an expression that seemed very out of place on his face. They seemed to transform him into a completely different person. 'He looks like Elliot,' she thought. She looked over at the clock. It was almost 11 at night. She reached over and grabbed the phone, dialing Elliot's cell number. She never dialed his number because it was on her cell's speed dial, but she knew it off by heart. Just when she thought he wasn't going to answer, he picked up. "Stabler," he sounded weary.

"El, it's me," she said, knowing he would recognize her voice.

"Olivia?! What the hell is going on, we've been worried sick about you, where the hell are you?" He said, jumping up so fast he nearly knocked over the chair. He was fuming mad, but not really at her, it was just because he'd been so worried about her for so long.

"I'm sorry I haven't called, I just needed space. But I'm doing fine. Getting away from work has been really good for me." She was fully aware of Tori watching her, listening to every word, but she would make it up to him.

"Liv, where are you? Are you coming back? All of your stuff is still here, I fixed your door…" he had so many things to say to her that he couldn't sort it all out.

"I'll worry about my stuff later. I gotta go, I just wanted to let you know I was okay. Bye, El." And she hung up before he could say anything else.

"Who was that?" Tori asked. He knew he was prying, but he didn't care.

"Elliot. My partner."

"So is it work you're trying to get away from or him?"

"Work. You know how it is. You see things like that every day and you can really lose faith in humanity if you don't get away once in a while."

"I bet. And I hear it only gets worse if you move up to detective. I've heard some real horror stories." Olivia couldn't help wondering about Tori. She wanted so badly to believe he was really who he said he was, but no matter how hard she tried she couldn't shake her suspicion. The only thing she could do was remind herself that she had been attacked in New York and there was no way her attacker could have followed her.

"From who?"

"Friend of mine used to be an SVU detective. You know, sex crimes? He was there for 6 months then moved to homicide. He said every victim just rips your heart to shreds and there's never enough time to put the pieces back together before the next case. I couldn't imagine seeing what they see every day. A kid with cancer is one thing, a kid whose dad crawls in to bed with them every night is another thing completely," he shuddered, and Olivia felt a chill run down her own spine.

"Yeah, I've heard about them. I can't imagine working there," she said, her eyes slightly unfocused as she heard the cries of all the children she'd helped over the years, replayed every horror story she'd ever seen. It was enough to make her sick to her stomach.

"This is hardly a cheery topic, let's quit dwelling on it. You need to loosen up." He started massaging her shoulders and she let herself relax, the images in her head chased away by his touch.

**Fooled you guys with that little tease, didn't I? :P Plenty of twists and turns left to come. Hope E/O shippers aren't disappointed, but I wanted it to be about the story, and since I'm really not a shipper myself, it's hard to write about. But I think there's a little something for everyone. By the way, it's looking like there'll be 21 chapters. Hope you're enjoying!**


	11. Chapter 11

Chapter 11

**Finished the story and it's officially 21 chapters. I'm currently working on two more stories, most likely shorter than this one, and I'm hoping to start posting them soon.**

There was a knock on the door. Tori slid himself slowly out of bed, not wanting to wake Olivia. He slipped on his pajama pants and walked over to the door, pulling on a wrinkled t-shirt as he went. He unlocked the door as quietly as he could and slipped outside, rather than talking to the stranger in the doorway.

"Oh, sorry. I must have the wrong room," the man looked a little surprised when he saw Tori.

"Who're you looking for?" Tori asked.

"Olivia Benson, but I guess I…"

"No, she's here. She's sleeping."

The man's jaw nearly hit the floor. When he regained his composure, he asked, "Who are you?"

"I could ask you the same question."

"Elliot Stabler, I'm her partner."

"Wait, I thought you didn't know she was here?"

"I traced the phone number, I need to talk to her. Can you tell her to meet me at the diner across the street?"

Tori nodded, then went back inside. He really didn't want to wake Olivia, especially for that guy, but it wasn't his place to interfere. If she wanted to be mad at him for tracing her phone, that was her job, not his.

"Ben," he said, shaking her gently by the shoulder. She woke up instantly, breathing heavily. She'd been having a bad dream, he realized. "You partner's at the diner, he wants to talk to you."

"How does he know where I am?" Olivia asked, shocked.

"Traced the phone. Probably flashed his police I.D. to get the room number. Major creep if you ask me, but he must really need to talk to you."

Olivia got dressed quickly and headed down to the diner. She was fuming mad and she was going to let Elliot know. "Why the hell did you come here?" she snapped, sitting down across from him.

"Casey was attacked," he said, very calmly, taking a sip of his coffee. Olivia's anger evaporated instantly. "He sent this." He handed her a picture of Casey, who had never been targeted by this guy before, with a shadowed figure behind her. The caption underneath read, 'Goodbye, Olivia. I'm her shadow now'

"When?"

"Yesterday. I just got back from the hospital when you called." She'd been with Tori all day yesterday.

"Is she okay?" She asked, staring at the photo in horror.

"Yeah. She was attacked like you. Injected with the same stuff as you after being knocked out, business card next to her bed instead of on her keys, and she wasn't raped. She's doing alright, we're keeping an eye on her apartment. And he's not using your business card anymore. He's leaving Casey's with the victims now."

"What do you want me to do? It's not like I know anything about this guy," she said, suddenly angry again. How dare her intrude on her happiness like that?

"I just thought you'd want to know."

"Then you should have called. Left a message. You came down here for a reason, what do you want?"

"Are you coming back?'

"No." The answer was out of her mouth before she could even think about it. At first she thought it was a mistake, she'd just said it out of anger, but the more she thought about it the more she realized it was true. She didn't want to go back to SVU. And now that she knew for sure he couldn't be the one they were looking for, she didn't want to leave Tori.

"Who was that guy?" Elliot said, not wanting to dwell on the subject anymore. It was a real blow finding out that he was losing his partner.

"I don't see how it's any of your business, but his name's Tori Swanson," she didn't think Elliot had any right to know, but she wanted him to know. She wanted him to see that she was happy. Much happier than she'd ever been in New York.

"You sleep with him?"

"Alright, that's it, you are way outta line. I'm a big girl, El, I can do whatever the hell I want without your permission." She slid out of the booth and glared at him, "Don't come back here, Elliot."


	12. Chapter 12

Chapter 12

"So, uh…you have any family?" Tori asked. He and Olivia were eating dinner and she had barely spoken a word since meeting with Elliot that morning. Normally she loved watching him cook and he loved teaching her. He had to work with limited supplies because there was no kitchen in the room, so he was working with camping equipment, but he was a great cook, so that didn't matter. But this time Olivia barely glanced at him while he worked.

"A brother. We don't talk," she said, pushing her food around with her fork. "You?"

"Parents are dead, my sister's in France."

"What happened to them?" Olivia decided she should at least attempt to make conversation. She didn't want him to suffer just because she was in a bad mood.

"After me brother died, my dad blamed me, started hitting me. My mom kicked him out, but she couldn't help being mad at me. She blamed me for Raiden's death and eventually she felt so guilty she killed herself. My grandparents took us in after that, since we had no idea where dad was." He spoke as if it was just a simple story, completely void of emotion.

"I'm so sorry, I shouldn't have asked," Olivia said, feeling genuinely sorry this time.

"Hey, don't worry about. We all have our baggage, our sob stories. The key is to carry it around in your suitcase for a while, let it make you stronger, then leave it on the side of the road somewhere and forget it." He smiled brightly. Olivia almost cried. His job might not be as heartbreaking as hers, but his past more than made up for that difference. She wondered how he could just smile about it all. She could barely talk about her origins. "What about you? I think after all that I've earned the right to hear one of your sob stories. And don't tell me you don't have any because you're here for a reason and that's at least one."

"My mother was raped," she blurted out, before she could change her mind. She had a strange urge to tell him all about her past. He had dealt with so much and his face still lit up when he smiled. She wanted him to share that with her, but before he could do that, she had to share this with him.

"Before or after you were born?" He asked. She realized he didn't get it.

"Before. 9 months before." He got it now, she could see it in his eyes.

"Oh. Wow. And she…kept you?" He felt tongue-tied. He hadn't really expected her to share such an intimate detail, especially when it was so clear how much she was still hurting.

"Yeah."

'That must've been a tough thing to carry around as a kid. Did you two get along?"

"When she was sober."

He couldn't help the smile that crept onto his face, "Ah, like mother like daughter, huh?"

"I'm nothing like her. I am NOT and alcoholic!" Olivia shouted, rising to her feet. Tori was taken aback.

"I'm sorry, Ben. Really, I didn't mean anything by it. I guess it's easy to forget that just because I can joke about my past doesn't mean everyone else can. Please, sit down."

She did. After a minute of silence, Tori asked, "Your brother, I'm guessing he's older?"

"He my half-brother. He's my father's son." Despite what he had said, she still wanted to share with him. She had experienced his sometimes misplaced sense of humor and it was one of his quirky charms that she liked so much. She couldn't fault him for it, now. "I only found him a year ago. I put my DNA through a kinship analysis and it gave me his name. My father died more than a decade ago, though."

"So you two don't get along?"

She shrugged, "We do. But it's not exactly an ideal situation. I think he wants a relationship, but I don't really need the reminder in my life."

"So your mom never got justice," he said, knowing the answer already. Olivia nodded. "That's why you became a police officer?

"No, my past has nothing to do with that. I became a police officer so I could become a detective. My past is the reason I didn't join homicide or narcotics." Tori looked confused. "My past is the reason I've been at SVU for almost a decade."

He was silent for a long time, not really sure what to say or how to feel. Angry that she'd lied? Happy she'd trust him with the truth and the pain behind it? Sad for what she'd been through? Finally he said, "Why did you lie to me?"

"You probably don't want to know," she said, avoiding his gaze.

He raised an eyebrow, but she didn't offer any more information, so he said, "At least I get why you came here now."

Olivia shook her head, "No. The cases, all the things I have to see, that's why I'm not going back. But the reason I left in the first place…I was being taunted by a serial rapist."

"And you were worried I was him?" Tori asked.

"I had my doubts about you," she admitted.

"But you don't anymore?"

"I'd be lying if I said I didn't still have doubts, but I don't believe you had anything to do with this. It's hard for a woman who sees what I see every day to trust men, but…I want to try."

She wasn't supposed to talk about an open case, she knew that. She could get in a lot of trouble for it. But she couldn't feel completely comfortable with Tori until he knew the whole truth. And she couldn't be truly happy in a new life until the case was closed. She knew Tori couldn't solve the case for her, but maybe he could be a sounding board for her ideas. Maybe by talking to him she could find something herself. So before she could change her mind, she told Tori everything. She'd photocopied all of the pictures the rapist had sent and showed them to him (she'd kept the one of Casey because Elliot had photocopied it for her). She told him about the business cards, about how they had once been hers and were now Casey's, and the keys and the numbers. And, most importantly, the one piece of information that she'd never shared with her co-workers (even if they already knew), she told him how terrified and helpless she felt.


	13. Chapter 13

Chapter 13

"The shadows in the pictures are just black copies of the person in the picture," Tori said, pointing to pictures of her. "See, every curve is identical."

"And…?"

"He did it for a reason. It wasn't because it's the easy thing to do, the easy thing would be to use the same shape in every photo."

"Well, your shadow is supposed to look like you, isn't it?"

"Yes. It just seems odd. He's calling himself your shadow, but the image in the picture is you, not someone else. And he's done it in every picture. If he wanted the shadow to represent himself, why not use a different image, one that doesn't look like any of you? Maybe I'm just looking too much into it." He shrugged.

They were both silent again as they examined the photos, Olivia was sitting behind him, her arms wrapped around him. The photos were spread out on the bed infront of them. Then Tori spoke again, "Your expression is different."

Olivia looked at him, confused. "Look. All of the other detectives have this look of frustration on their faces in every picture. But you don't. In every picture you seem…concerned, sort of lost in thought, but your expression is calmer, more…in control. Sort of calm, cool and collected."

Olivia scoffed, "Well that's ironic."

"Look at the picture of Casey. She has the same expression. I mean, if this guy was following you around, it would be simple enough to catch you with the same expression as everyone else, but he didn't."

"You're pretty observant, maybe you should have been a detective."

"I studied photography for a year. He set you apart, and now he's doing it with Casey, too. And another thing, why isn't he going after another detective? Why an A.D.A?"

"Because she's a woman," Olivia said. "There are no other female detectives in SVU."

"I think you're right, it is because you're women, but I think there's a reason behind it. I mean, he's asking 'why can't I be your shadow?' in all of these photos. Why? He wouldn't say it if it wasn't a clue. He's more than just teasing you, he's taunting you. It's his way of saying he's smarter than you. Something as simple as 'I attack women, so it makes sense for me to target you' wouldn't cut it. It's more than that, it always is with serial killers, I imagine it's the same with serial rapists."

"It's about control. He's showing that no matter how in control of our emotions we are, he can still take it away," she said.

"This guy is all about control. How many victims did you say there were before you left?" Tori asked.

"26."

Tori nodded, "And the MO never changed. Nothing more than their clothes were disturbed, nothing was taken, and none of them had any more than a minor concussion. And when he attacked you and Casey, he escalated it by drugging you, but there was no rape, so in the end his attacks on you two were milder. Serial rapists and killers always escalate, get more violent, because that's what the attacks are about. But this guy doesn't. I have a feeling it's not about the violence for him. I mean, he knocks his victims out, there really is no violence apart from that single act. It's all about control and nothing more."

"Are you sure you were never a detective?"

"I studied psychology for a couple years."

Olivia arched an eyebrow. "It took me a while to figure out what I wanted to do with my life." Tori said, smiling when he saw her expression.

"What about the business cards, and the numbers?" Olivia asked, wanting to know his opinion of everything. It was making her feel calmer, more in control of what was going on, something that she hadn't felt in quite a while.

"Hard to say. The business cards are probably his way of unnerving you, making you feel hunted, stripping away your control, making you less effective. He probably knew how dedicated you were to the job and how helpless it would make you feel not to be able to do anything. As for the numbers, it's hard to say, but I bet it's his way of keeping score, reminding you that he just keeps scoring point after point and there's nothing you can do to block him. Sort of his way of saying 'ha ha'"

That reminded Olivia of something she'd forgotten to mention, "The condom. He sent one to us, he wrote 'ha ha' on it."

"That seems a little immature for a guy like this. I'm assuming he used a condom for every attack."

"Either that or a foreign object," Olivia said, frowning at the thought.

"Foreign…this guy is weird. Why rape them at all, then? I'm sure what he did to you is scary enough. If he wasn't getting any pleasure from the rape, why do it?

"You said it yourself. SVU detectives burn out all the time. Maybe he thinks they're the easiest to unravel because of everything they've been through," she said, sadly. "He's probably right."

"Don't beat yourself up, it's not going to change anything," he said, wiping away the tear that had fallen.

"I know. That's what's so hard to accept. You can talk all you want about why this guy does what he does, but what difference does it make? It won't change anything. And even if he does get caught, so what? There are a hundred more like him out there and no matter how many we put away, they just keep coming, and they keep getting sicker and smarter."

Tori was about to say something when there was a knock at the door. He slid off the bed and answered the door. It was room service, but he didn't want to clean the room, he had a letter for Olivia. Tori thanked him and took it back to Olivia. Part of him wanted to tear it up, part of him was curious, and part of him insisted that they were in New Jersey, it hadn't been sent by the man they were talking about.

He was wrong.


	14. Chapter 14

Chapter 14

Olivia nearly sobbed when she opened the letter, but she bit her lip and her tears escaped silently. The letter began 'My Dear Olivia', but the rest of it was impossible to read. There were a few words in English, some in Spanish, French, Italian and Hungarian, and there were some in languages that Olivia didn't recognize, some of them using symbols rather than letters. She could only recognize about half the words in the letter.

"How many languages do you figure that is?" Tori asked, looking over her shoulder. She shrugged, still fighting back sobs. Tori took the letter from her slowly and wrapped his arms around her as she began to sob.

It took her a while to calm herself down, but when she finally wiped away her tears she looked at Tori. "I need some air. Can we go for a walk?"

Tori nodded and handed her her jacket, then slipped on his own. They walked for a while in silence, until Olivia asked, "What made you want to be a paediatric oncologist?"

"I like giving hope to people who don't have any. It's really rewarding. And I love working with kids. They're so amazing. These kids, they're facing the toughest battle of their life, the scariest thing they've ever been through, but they still have this way of changing your perspective, of always seeing the silver lining. You lose that as an adult. It's nice to go back to it sometimes." He smiled, his eyes cloudy and unfocused. Olivia knew he was thinking about the children he worked with, maybe even a specific child that had changed his life. No matter how well a case ended, she could never look back on in with such happiness. Even the case she considered her most rewarding, Maria, was difficult to think about. She was jealous of Tori.

"Unfortunately being molested has a way of destroying all that," she said. She couldn't help her bleak outlook.

Tori put his arm around her shoulder and she stopped, looking up at him, her dark, sad eyes meeting his bright, youthful green. He kissed her and she smiled despite her feelings of despair, "Why couldn't I have met you years ago?" she said.

"The whole me not living in New York thing was probably a big reason," he smiled and kissed her again. Her head was spinning and her feelings of unease and anger and sadness crumbled away as she wrapped her arms around his neck and ran her fingers through his hair. She had never felt so strongly about any man before and even worrying about the case wasn't enough to dampen her feelings.

"Maybe it's time we head back to the hotel," he said, his own mind racing.

Olivia sighed. She didn't ever want to go back to the hotel, not after what had happened, but she wanted to be alone with him. Tori sensed she wasn't happy with the idea. "Let's go. We'll pack up our stuff and go somewhere else. Greg and I don't spend any time together, anyway."

"Where do you suggest we go?"

"We can find another hotel." He suggested.

"Sounds good," she said. She didn't want to go home yet and she wouldn't feel comfortable going to Tori's, though she had no idea where he even lived.

They went back to the hotel and headed up to their rooms. As Tori headed for the room he shared with his friend Greg, Olivia unlocked and opened the door to her own room. She nearly screamed when she saw what was littered all over the floor, but she managed to hold it in. She just stood frozen in the doorway. Tori noticed and walked back towards her. He took a few careful steps into the room, looking around. Littered everywhere were Polaroids of Olivia and Tori, leaving the hotel, walking hand in hand, and even kissing. Whoever had taken them had to have been following them in a car, that was the only way he could have done this before they got back. Among the pictures were more pictures of the other SVU detectives, with 'Why aren't I your shadow?' written on them.

Tori helped Olivia pack her stuff quickly and collect all of the pictures. He put them in his suitcase so Olivia didn't have to carry them around. He loaded their stuff into his car (Olivia had come on the bus), and started driving. Neither of them really knew where to go, but Tori just kept driving. Eventually Tori said tentatively, "We could go to my place. It's kind of a long drive, though."

Olivia looked at him for the first time since they'd left, "Where do you live?"

"Windsor."

"Where's that?"

"Ontario."

"You're from Canada? Well, that explains the maple syrup." They both smiled. Olivia couldn't believe she could still joke at all, but Tori seemed to bring out the best of her.

"It's right on the border pretty much. We don't have to go if you don't want to."

"No, that sounds great. Maybe this psycho'll get stopped at the border," she said dryly.

He smiled, "I hate to burst your bubble, but the border patrol are idiots."


	15. Chapter 15

Chapter 15

Olivia was woken up by the sound of Tori talking to someone else. She realized they were at the border. Too exhausted to really care, she let herself drift back to sleep. A little while later she was being woken up by Tori.

"Ben, we're here." Olivia stretched and then got out of the car to help Tori with their bags. It was dark, but Olivia could still see the house infront of her clearly. It wasn't huge, but the front yard was bigger than anything she'd ever seen in Queens. It had a huge maple tree and she could see the top of another behind the house, most likely in the backyard. He parked in the driveway and led her inside, putting down the suitcases to unlock the door. The living room to her left, which she hadn't been able to see through the huge front window, was a deep crimson colour and decorated beautifully. He had a t.v, and there were speakers on the wall that suggested he had surround sound. The hallway was separate from the living room by a large hall closet, and the dining room was separated from the living room only by it's décor. There was a doorway leading into the kitchen, but Olivia couldn't see it from the front door. Down the hall there were 2 doors and at the end there was a bathroom. Tori opened the door closest to them that led into a large room with a queen-sized bed, a large mahogany desk covered with papers and a large stereo. Tori set down his suitcase infront of the closet and Olivia did the same.

"This is a nice house," she said.

"Thanks. It's a little too big for me but I like the backyard. You hungry?"

Tori was happy to be back in his kitchen. He went a little overboard with dinner, but Olivia loved watching him cook and he loved showing off for her. She had no idea how to cook but she was well on her way to learning.

"How many languages do you speak?" Olivia asked while they ate. Tori sat on the counter out of habit and Olivia sat at the table facing him.

"6. French, Spanish, Portuguese, German, Russian and Chinese. Wait, 7, I forgot about English," he said, grinning as usual. "You?"

"4. English, French, Italian and Hungarian. Between the two of us that's 8 languages we can translate in the letter, plus whatever's already in English. How're we gonna figure out the rest?"

"Internet, I guess. But not all of those symbols were Chinese, and I can't actually read Chinese very well. We're gonna need help."

"We can't bring in anyone else, I'm already breaking the law by talking to you about this." She suddenly felt very guilty. She had been selfish, bringing Tori into this. She had broken the law for her own comfort. But she couldn't think about that. She needed to solve the case, and Tori was all she had anymore.

"Let's just translate as much as we can and we'll worry about the rest later." Tori said, setting his empty plate down in the sink and sliding off the counter, heading for the living room. Olivia put her own plate in the sink and went to get the letter from her suitcase. She sat down next to Tori on the couch and the spent most of the night working on the letter until they both fell asleep.

Tori awoke to the sound of a keyboard. Olivia was sitting at his computer with the letter next to her. She looked exhausted. Tori yawned and put on his glasses, which had fallen off during the night. Then he walked over to Olivia, who had translated about 3 quarters of the letter and was now searching for Croatian translations. Most of the words that hadn't yet been translated were symbols, with only a few 'normal' words left.

"Did you get any sleep last night?" He asked, concerned.

"A few hours. It's no big deal, I'm used to staying awake for long periods of time and getting almost no sleep. I need to finish this, Tori."

"We're not gonna be able to translate these symbols with the Internet alone. We need someone's help."

Olivia sighed, "I know. But who can we talk to?"

"My sister's an interpreter. She works mostly with Chinese but she speaks about 10 languages. I can photocopy the letter and cut out everything but the parts we need. She doesn't have to know anything and she won't ask questions if I ask her not to. You can trust her."

Olivia sighed. She really didn't want to share this with anyone else, especially a stranger, but she had no choice. She nodded. Tori grabbed his phone from the table and dialled his sister's number.

"Coucou, c'est moi. Tu peux m'aider avec qulquechose?" _Hi, it's me. Can you help me with something? _"Non, je peux pas expliquer, mais c'est tres important, je ne demanderais pas sinon." _No, I can't explain, but it's really important. I wouldn't ask if it wasn't._ "J'ai besoin de traduire quelquechose. Il y a plusiers langues ici et je ne comprend pas tous." _I need to translate something. There are several languages here and I don't understand them all._ "Merci, je te l'envoyerai." _Thanks, I'll send it to you._

He hung up the phone and put the letter into the scanner. Once the image was in the computer, he deleted everything they'd already translated, leaving only the words they were unsure of. Then he sent it to his sister's e-mail. "It might take her a little while. She said she'll e-mail me when she's done."

Olivia could still feel unease in the pit of her stomach, but when Tori kissed her and lead her from the computer to the couch, she felt her unease slip away.

SVUSVUSVUSVUSVUSVUSVUSVU

"Are you feeling better?" Lake asked Casey, who had just entered the squadroom.

"I'm fine. Has anyone talked to Liv?" She asked.

"She's in New Jersey. I don't think she's coming back anytime soon," Elliot said grumpily.

"What's she doing in New Jersey?" Casey asked, a little surprised.

"Apparently she's got a new boy toy," Munch said.

"Really?" Casey directed his question at Elliot, smiling despite the situation. Elliot just clenched his jaw and was silent.

"Well, whatever she's doing, it's gotta be better than this. This guy is getting on my last nerve," Fin said. Everyone agreed.

"We don't have a single link between any of the vics. What's this guy's motive?" Lake asked no one in particular. None of them had an answer and he knew it. They had all lost hope of ever finding the perp.

**In case anyone reading this actually speaks french, I want to let you know that while I have strong oral french skills, I stink at writing. I apologize if I made any spelling mistakes, but for the purpose of this story it doesn't need to be perfect. Anyway, hope you enjoy the story.**


	16. Chapter 16

Chapter 16

Olivia fell asleep wearing one of Tori's oversized t-shirts. He was sitting at his desk wearing nothing but his boxers when the e-mail came. He considered waking Olivia up, but decided not to. He put the new translations into the letter and rearranged certain words to make sense, adding in contractions where necessary to make it flow the way he suspected it was supposed to. Then he read it through:

I represent your shadow, but your shadow isn't me

It's the absence of all light, just look inside, you'll see

We have a lot in common, though you might protest

We could even be best friends, but I feel I must confess

Though I haven't really lied, I've led you the wrong way

You've made some wrong conclusions and for that more girls will pay

So I'm leaving you this clue, in the hopes you'll understand

That everything I do is meticulously planned

I'm invisible, I know, because you've seen me many times

But the only things you recognize of me are my crimes

I'll keep going 'til I'm caught, which means I'll never stop

I'm far too smart for you; you're nothing but a cop

Think back a long, long time, to victim number one

So easy to control, oh, it was fun

Now move ahead a little, to the first time that we met

I remember, but do you? It's okay, don't you fret

My disguise was ingenious, so absolutely perfect!

Your eyes fell right on me and you didn't even suspect

We met again much later, but you didn't see my face

When you slept you looked so peaceful, the expression on your face…

But enough of reminiscing, I have so much to do

If anyone can find me, I want it to be you

So look back at the cases, go through it all again

I know it breaks your heart, I really feel your pain

Our connection is the key, not the clues I left behind

If you figure out the link, it's me you just mind find

But be careful, my dear Ben, this track is pretty slick

I can knock your feet from under you with one swift kick

I know your fears and weaknesses; you wear them on your shirt

So I warn you to be careful, or someone WILL get hurt

Tori shivered. The guy knew Olivia's new nickname. He'd been more than just watching them, he must have heard them talking at some point. It was a chilling thought. He felt safe in his house, so far away from the hotel, but he couldn't shake the fear and doubt that crept into his thoughts.

"Hey, did she send the translations?" Olivia had woken up and walking over to Tori without him even noticing. He looked up at her, pain in his eyes. He didn't want to show her the letter, he knew it would only make her upset, but he had no choice. He handed it over and watched her eyes move rapidly from side to side. He could see the exact moment when she read her nickname, her eyes widening with fear. He watched as she read it through several more times, and then finally lowered her hands. "What connection is he talking about?"

"Your need for control, maybe," Tori suggested. He wanted her to forget the letter, forget about solving the case, but he knew she couldn't. And he knew it would be pointless to deny her his insights, she would only be angry with him.

"Everyone needs to be in control of their own lives, what does that have to do with his identity?"

"He said you made some wrong conclusions. Maybe we should start there. What did we assume about him?"

"Everything. There's no real evidence, everything we know is an assumption. Maybe we were wrong about him needing control."

"No, that can't be it. You said it yourself; needing control isn't much of a clue to anyone's identity. It has to be something else."

"We assumed he was counting his victims. Maybe the numbers have another significance."

"Hmmmm…it's possible, I guess, but I doubt it."

"You know, it's pretty easy to shoot down ideas, why don't you try suggesting something?" Olivia snapped. She agreed with Tori, she was really just guessing on everything and didn't really believe any of it, but she was getting more and more frustrated.

"He said you met before, but he was disguised. Think back, when could you have met him?"

"I have no idea. I have no idea what he might look like, how was I supposed to recognize him?"

Tori suddenly grabbed the letter and looked at it, "Wait a second. Why would he need a disguise if you already couldn't recognize him? He had to know you'd have no clue who he was. Everything in this letter was written for a reason. If he said disguise, he meant it. But he didn't need a disguise, why use one? And what kind of disguise?" He was starting to talk more to himself than Olivia.

He was silent for a while, deep in thought. Then he looked up at her, "You gave all your attention to this case as soon as it came in, right? And you didn't work on any other cases until after you were attacked?" Olivia nodded. "He's talking about it in chronological order. The second time you met…he's referring to when he attacked you. So before that you didn't deal with anyone at work but the victims and your co-workers. It had to be somewhere outside of work that you met him."

"And it had to be something more than just seeing him on the street, or else he wouldn't have needed a disguise."

"Exactly. So when might you have seen him outside of work, before he attacked you?"

Olivia thought about it for a while, her eyebrows clenched together in an expression of deep concentration. Then her eyes suddenly widened, "Shit. We've been screwing up all along."

Tori looked at her, curious and confused, but she ran off before he could ask, getting dressed quickly, throwing her stuff in her suitcase. "Our conclusions were the problem, but they weren't small things, like needing control or targeting women. We made a huge conclusion without a shred of evidence and we didn't even realize it, didn't question it at all. And all of our other conclusions stemmed from that one huge mistake. I've gotta go back to New York."

Tori got dressed quickly while he listened to her talk. He grabbed his wallet and his car keys. "Explain it on the way."

"Tori…No one can know that I told you anything." She said. Tori nodded, and they headed out the door, letter in hand.


	17. Chapter 17

Chapter 17

"Olivia!" Elliot whirled around and saw Casey hugging Olivia, who had just entered the squadroom. She was wearing what was clearly a man's t-shirt and she looked like she hadn't slept in quite a while, but Elliot was so happy to see her he didn't notice any of that. Olivia smiled sheepishly when she saw him. They hadn't been on great terms the last time they saw each other, and they were both worried the other might be angry, but when Elliot walked over and hugged her, and she wrapped her arms around him, they both decided to just forget any of it had happened.

"We were starting to worry you wouldn't come back," Lake said.

"I thought I was gonna be stuck with Elliot," Munch joked.

"It's good to see you again, Liv," Fin said.

Olivia was so happy to see them all again. She hadn't realized how much she really missed them. She suddenly felt very guilty for leaving like that, but she had more important things to worry about.

"Casey, I'm so sorry, I should have come back when I heard, at least called. I just…"

"You needed to get away. I understand. I knew you'd come back eventually." They hugged again.

"Olivia, you're back!" Cragen smiled when he saw who they had all gathered around.

"My three weeks was up a couple days ago," she said.

"You know you still have a job here if you want it," Cragen assured her.

She smiled, her eyes brimming with tears. "Yeah, I do."

"I hate to open up old wounds, but since you're here, you should know. He sent us another clue. We've all been working on it." Elliot was worried about how she might react to this news, but she just nodded and asked to see it.

It was the letter, the same one she and Tori had translated, and the same one that made her return to New York. They had only just received it, so very little of it had been translated. But she wasn't worried, she'd considered this possibility, and she had come up with two plans. If they hadn't received the letter, she had planned to show it to them and not tell them about the other languages. If she did they would know she couldn't have translated it herself, and they would know she'd broken the law. If they'd received the letter, she would help them translate it, then replay her conversation with Tori, pretending to suddenly come to the conclusion she had already made. She didn't want to wait, she wanted this psycho behind bars, but she had to be careful. They couldn't know about Tori's involvement or she'd be in a lot of trouble. So she helped them, focusing mainly on the Hungarian words, looking up words she already knew the meaning of, thinking about Tori the whole time, hoping he was okay at her apartment. She had left her personal gun with him just in case.

When they finally finished translating the letter, with a lot of help from other officers and even an FBI translator, Casey read it out loud.

"Who's Ben?" Munch asked.

Olivia had hoped, rather pointlessly, that the letter sent to the precinct wouldn't include her nickname. Now she sighed and said, "Me."

"What, is that his pet name for you?" Munch asked, lowering his head to look at her over his sunglasses.

"It's what Tori calls me," she said quietly, blushing slightly.

"Who's Tori?" Lake asked.

"A guy a met in New Jersey," Olivia replied. She didn't want anyone to know about their relationship, or the fact they he had returned to New York with her. She wanted to keep her relationship with Tori to herself for as long as possible. For once she wanted something completely, 100 separate from her work, which included keeping it secret from her co-workers.

"Ah, so he's the boy toy," Munch teased.

"Boy toy? I'll have you know he's my age. Can we focus here?" Olivia said, taking the letter from Casey and pretending to read it over.

"Alright, let's think about this: the connection is the key. What connection could he be talking about?" Cragen said.

Olivia let them all bounce their ideas around, injecting her own knowledge (in the form of suggestions) into the conversation when she felt it veering off track. She wanted to just blurt everything she knew out, but she knew she couldn't do that. It had taken quite some time and thought to figure it out the first time and she had to make it seem like she'd never read the letter before.

"Well, he said he met you before, before he attacked you. Do you remember anything?" Casey asked. She enjoyed being part of the investigation for a change.

"Wait a second, give me that," she said, grabbing the letter back from Elliot. She read it over. "It says here he was in disguise."

"Well he'd have to be, he doesn't want you to know who he is," Fin said.

"But he didn't need a disguise. He knows we don't have any evidence other than what he gave us. He'd have known I couldn't recognize him. If I saw him in a crowd, I wouldn't think twice about him because I have no idea what he looks like. Why would need a disguise at all?" Olivia said, trying to remember everything that Tori had said, trying not to give too much away at once.

"He couldn't risk you recognizing him if you saw him again," Elliot said, shrugging. Everyone seemed to agree. So she continued, trying to recall what else had been said.

"He said I looked right at him. I had my nose buried in this case from the beginning, so he can't be a perp. And he has to be more than someone I just saw in a crowd, otherwise he wouldn't have needed the disguise, right?" Everyone was listening, some nodded. Good.

"Makes sense, I guess. But where else could you have seen him, your whole life is here," Casey said.

"What about the night he broke into your place? Maybe you saw him without realizing it." Bingo, Elliot. Now all she had to do was look deep in thought, and pretend to come to the miraculous conclusion she had already come to. She narrowed her eyes again, pretending to be deep in thought, counting out the seconds, before she widened her eyes and replayed the reaction she'd given Tori.

"Shit, we've been screwing this up along," she said, proud of how convincingly she was playing the part. 'Maybe I should have been an actress,' she mused.

"What do you mean?" Lake asked.

"Conclusions. Our conclusions are wrong," she said, pointing to the letter. "We didn't have enough information to really make any conclusions. We really only made one conclusion, but it was a huge one, and we've been going along with it ever since this case began. We never even thought to question it."

"What are you talking about?" Elliot asked, shaking his head in confusion, his arms crossed.

"I've met our perp before. The night my apartment was broken into. But it never even registered in my mind that the person I was talking to was our perp because I'd already made the conclusion that it was impossible. We cut half the population off our suspect list."

"You mean…" Elliot said slowly.


	18. Chapter 18

Chapter 18

"It's a woman. She was standing right outside my apartment that night. I didn't just talk to her, I went into her apartment, and I used her phone to call you. I even asked her if she'd seen anyone leaving my apartment. And Tori saw her, too, outside of my hotel room, at least we're pretty sure it was the same woman." She was excited to finally let it all out.

"I really doubt the perp is a woman, Liv." Okay, minor setback, but she'd expected a little resistance, especially from Huang.

"It makes perfect sense. The connection between us: we're women. If she came right out and told us she was a woman, I'd know instantly who she was. The connection is the key. I figured out the connection and now I know who she is. Her disguise? She pretended to be an innocent bystander. Just someone from my building, nothing for me to worry about. I didn't even question that she was wearing gloves, it was just part of her outfit as far as I was concerned, I was too busy looking for a perp that didn't exist. And the condom, of course she had a good laugh about that; you don't need a condom if you don't have a penis. She was sending us clues all along, but we couldn't make sense of them because we assumed we were looking for a male."

They were starting to come around. Everything she said made perfect sense, after all. There were still questions, though, but she was ready for them. "Why rape them, then?"

"She's all about control, she wants to unnerve everyone, take away their control. But she doesn't want to fight with the victims, it's too messy and too risky, and she's not about risk. She rapes them because it's the ultimate humiliation, what better way to unhinge them than to violate them?" She was practically grinning, they were finally figuring it out!

"Huang, you look different," Munch teased Olivia. Huang glanced at him, then back at Olivia.

"I agree with Olivia."

"Feeling left out?" Munch said.

"I'm impressed," he said to Olivia, ignoring Munch.

"Alright, let's get to work finding her. Liv, you think you could describe her to a sketch artist?"

Olivia thought about it for a minute, then shook her head, "I really doubt it. I know I'd recognize her if I saw her again, but I can't get a clear picture in my head, I really wasn't paying attention."

"We'll start at your building. Check out the apartment you saw her going into, maybe we can find some clues to her identity." Everyone nodded and Olivia and Elliot grabbed their coats. Cragen handed Olivia her badge and gun. "Been keeping these safe for you. Welcome back."

Olivia had worried it would be awkward working with Elliot again after everything that had happened, but it was as if she'd never left. They were as in sync as ever and teased each other as usual. When they got to Olivia's apartment building, she was happy to realize she still trusted Elliot completely to have her back. They went upstairs, communicating silently, both knowing exactly what needed to be done.

"Police, open up!" Elliot said, banging on the door of the apartment Olivia had been in about 3 weeks earlier. When there was no answer both detectives had their guns ready and Elliot stood back, giving Olivia the honour of kicking in the door. She'd never admit it, but she was a bit of an adrenaline junkie and kicking in a door with her gun held at the ready gave her a rush.

Olivia nearly dropped her gun when she entered the apartment, but they had to clear all the rooms before they could focus on the evidence. They split up, both yelling, "Clear!" Then met up again in the living room. The whole place was covered in pictures of all the SVU detectives, especially Olivia. There were even pictures of Olivia and Tori together. These seemed to interest Elliot most of all, but he did his best not to dwell on them. There were more unnerving things in the apartment. There were stacks of business card templates next to the computer and a stack of printed cards. Olivia turned them over, expecting to see either nothing or numbers, but instead she saw the words 'Congratulations, Olivia, you'. She flipped through the stack and read the message:

Congratulations, Olivia, you found me. I had a feeling you might. But I hope you understand that I couldn't just sit by and let you win. I told you to be careful. I warned you someone would get hurt. But you've been careless. You left something very valuable behind in your apartment, and now it's gone. But don't fret, I'll send it back to you. A little at a time, of course.

"What d'you think he took?" Elliot said, but Olivia had already darted across the hall and grabbed the handle of her door. It wouldn't budge, so she kicked it open, not caring that it was the second door she'd got to break open or that she would have to replace the lock again. She looked around, running around all the rooms. When she realized the apartment was empty, she grabbed the phone and dialled clumsily, her hands shaking. With each ring her heart sank further and further, sobs rising in her throat, threatening to overwhelm her. She'd given Tori her cell phone, telling him to keep it with him at all times.

When she heard the ringing stop, she felt a surge of relief, but it was quickly snuffed out be despair and terror, "Sorry, Olivia. He can't come to the phone." Then the dial tone. Olivia collapsed, her body shaking with sobs.


	19. Chapter 19

Chapter 19

The ride back to the precinct was awkward. Olivia confessed that she had misled them about her relationship with Tori. She told him they had gone to his house in Windsor before she decided to return to New York. She told him she had received the letter while she was in New Jersey, but she didn't tell him that she had shown it to Tori or that she had translated it before even leaving Windsor. And she told him that she had given Tori a gun after he offered to pack up some of her things at her apartment. She had tried to tell him it was dangerous, but she gave in because he had already made up his mind. She didn't tell Elliot how guilty she felt, but he knew anyway.

When they got back to the precinct everyone was huddled around Olivia's desk. "Package came for you while you were out. It's from Tori Swanson. That the guy you met in New Jersey?" Lake asked. Olivia bit her lip hard enough to draw blood and grabbed the package, ripping at it viciously to get it open. Inside there was a jar, one quarter of a litre full. Inside was a thick red substance. Written on the label were the words '2 days'. Olivia wanted to smash the jar in frustration.

"Elliot, Munch, get back to that apartment, look for anything that might tell us who she is or where she might go. Fin, Lake, get the apartment records, let's hope she left some information we can use. Liv, go with Munch and Elliot and see what you can find at your apartment." They all nodded at Cragen's orders and headed out.

"We'll find him, Liv," Elliot said, squeezing her shoulder reassuringly. She just nodded, feeling numb and hopeless. This woman had a real knack for spreading despair.

Olivia wanted to cry again. They searched tirelessly for almost 2 hours, sifting through everything they thought might be useful, but there was nothing. Tori's glasses arrived at the precinct while they were gone. Olivia gave up searching and decided to go back and wait for Munch and Fin. She hated just sitting back, but her mind was so distracted and she was so frustrated she couldn't function.

She looked at the interrogation room longingly. She saw herself in the room, the woman she was now hunting sitting across from her. She imagined her being uncooperative, attacking Olivia. And then Olivia imagined her hands wrapped around the woman's throat, squeezing it tighter and tighter, crushing the windpipe, and watching the life drain from the bitch's eyes. Her fists tightened at the thought but she found a sick pleasure in the fantasy. That's not how it would end, though. She wouldn't let it go that far. This was one situation in which she wouldn't think twice about pulling the trigger. She'd been in some tough situations before, she'd been there when Elliot's rage almost drove him to kill, and she'd stopped him, knowing he'd regret it. She had a feeling he would try to return the favour, but she didn't care. This was more than rage, so much more, and she didn't care about the consequences anymore.

'Those who fight monsters should make damn sure they don't become one.' Agent Cooper's last words rang in Olivia's ears. It was the first time she'd ever truly lost it on the job. 'I told her I have too much to lose, and I meant it. Slapping the cuffs on the bitch's wrists and shoving her into a cage is enough. Please, God, let it be enough.' Olivia almost laughed. God? She had believed in him once, she remembered, but could she ever believe in him again, after all she'd seen in the last decade? She decided not to dwell on it.

"What did you find?" Olivia snapped as soon as Fin and Munch entered the squadroom.

"The name on the lease is fake, the real Emily James is diseased, but we did a little digging and it turns out she has a daughter. Maria Rascotra. We called El, he's on his way over." Munch handed her a piece of paper with Maria's address written on it. Olivia didn't even bother with her coat; she was out the door in a flash. She got outside just as Elliot was pulling up, jumping into the car.

"Liv, you know we can't arrest her. We have no evidence. I know I'm a hypocrite saying this, but you have to keep your cool," Elliot said as they drove.

"You're right, you're being a hypocrite. But I get it, Elliot. Trust me, I'm not about to do anything to screw up this investigation. I want to shoot the bitch myself, but I'll settle for throwing her in a cage to rot." Elliot wasn't really sure how Olivia's words made him feel. He'd never really been the rational partner; he'd never had to tell Liv to keep her cool.

Olivia let Elliot lead her into the apartment building, glad that he was there to keep her from doing anything stupid. She was furious that they didn't have enough evidence to actually arrest Maria, but she was looking forward to the interrogation. 'Give me a reason. Please, give me a reason to strangle you,' she silently willed Maria.

When Maria answered her door Olivia knew instantly it was the woman she'd seen outside of her apartment. 'She's laughing at me. I walked right into her apartment, in my pajamas; I disarmed myself. She could have killed me with a simple, well-aimed blow and probably never get caught. I bet she had a good laugh about that,' Olivia thought, biting her tongue to stop herself from screaming at Maria.

"How can I help you, detectives?" Maria said, smiling brightly at Elliot and Olivia.

"We're investigating a series of rapes and we'd like to ask you some questions. Would you come with us, please?" Elliot asked, hating the false politeness.

"Do I have a choice?" She asked, still very cheerful.

"No," Olivia said coldly.

"I thought not. Very well, lead the way."

Elliot lead the way out of the building, with Olivia walking behind Maria, her hand resting on her gun, silently willing Maria to run or even attack Elliot so she would have an excuse. But Maria was very compliant and followed them without complaint, whistling cheerfully.

"Olivia, I'm letting you in there, but I'm warning you now: Get carried away and I'm dragging you out of there if I have to. You're on thin ice," Cragen said, as they all stood outside the interrogation room, watching Maria through the two-way mirror.

Olivia nodded and she and Elliot walked into the room. Maria stopped whistling and smiled at them. "So…did you have a good laugh at my expense?" Olivia said, sitting down across from Maria.

"I don't know what you mean, detective," Maria said. Olivia was sickened by Maria's cheerfulness.

"I think you do," Elliot said, putting his hands on the back of Maria's chair, which rocked back slightly because of the one short leg.

"Someone broke into my apartment. But you don't know anything about that, now, do you?" Olivia said, her arms crossed.

"Oh, that's where I recognize you from! You came to my apartment. You were locked out. Oh dear, someone broke in? That must have been awful. I'm afraid I didn't see anything, though."

"Someone attacked my partner, following the same MO as a series of rapes in this area. You wouldn't know anything about that, would you?" Elliot said, letting her chair go, rocking it forward.

"Rape? Of course not, that's absurd. If you haven't yet noticed, detectives, I'm a woman. How am I supposed to rape someone?"

"There are ways. I'm sure you know about them," Elliot said, pacing slowly behind Maria.

"I don't know anything about any rapes, detectives."

Maria finally shut down, refusing to answer any more questions. Elliot and Olivia left the room to join Cragen and Casey, who were standing on the other side of the glass, watching the interrogation. "Should we hold her?"

"Tough call. If we cut her loose, she could lead us back to him," Elliot said.

"No, there's no way someone who managed to rape almost 30 women, attack a detective, an A.D.A. and break into 5 detectives' homes is going to lead detectives right to her victim. We have to break her," Olivia insisted. "Let me in there alone."

"I don't see her opening up to any of you. She's smart, Olivia. She wants to prove she's smarter than all of us. She knows the only evidence we have are the clues she sent us, it makes her feel invincible. This isn't your typical perp," Huang said.

"What do you suggest?" Olivia asked. She valued Huang's opinion; it had helped them get countless confessions.

"Show her your pain. Mess yourself up, make her think it's all out of your control. She's not going to give anything up, Olivia, but she needs to feel in control. I have a feeling this is a careful front, put on to seem in control when she has none. Let her feel she has control over you and she may reveal herself to us."

Olivia didn't really like the idea of handing over her control just when she was starting to gain it back, but she knew it would be wise to listen to Huang, so she took a deep breath and walked into the interrogation room.


	20. Chapter 20

Chapter 20

"You know, this really is tiresome and I have a lot of things to do at home. Can I go?"

"You're on a 24-hour hold," Olivia said, sitting down. Her chair rocked back slightly, nearly setting her off-balance, and she looked down in surprise.

"I'm sorry, I switched the chairs. It really was quite uncomfortable. I suppose it's a good thing I did, I wouldn't want to sit in that chair for 24 hours." She flashed Olivia her usual cheery smile.

"You seem to have a pretty positive attitude for someone about to spend the night in a dingy interrogation room."

"Complaining won't change anything."

"Does it bother you that nothing you do will change the situation?"

"Wouldn't it bother you to be suspected of a crime you didn't commit?"

"Yeah, but I doubt I'd be so cheerful about it. Being convicted of a crime would ruin my career. Though maybe you're right, complaining wouldn't give me back my career."

"How long have you been in this unit?"

"Almost 10 years."

"10 years? I've heard the average time spent in Special Victims is only 2 years, is that correct?"

"I guess I'm not the average detective."

"Why do you do it?"

Olivia paused, fidgeting a little, "Someone has to."

"You're uncomfortable. There's a bigger reason behind it. Were you raped?"

"No," Olivia snapped, letting her anger rise a little, then relaxing her expression again.

"Someone you know, then?"

"We…we're not here to talk about me," Olivia said, getting flustered. She tried to tell herself she was just pretending, that she was actually in complete control, but she couldn't even be sure that was true.

"It must be difficult for you, seeing victims every day, hearing their stories, hearing your past in their desperate pleas for your help…"

"Shut up!" Olivia slammed her fists into the table infront of her. Then she stood up, her back to Maria, her arms crossed her over chest. At least that, she could be sure, was just acting.

"It must frustrate you, detective, being unable to solve this case. Unable to help the victims, to answer their cries for help. I've heard about this case, it was on the news. You have no DNA, am I correct? That must…frustrate you. Make you feel…powerless." The last word was barely more than a whisper and Olivia felt a chill run down her spine.

"No, I'm in control," Olivia said defiantly, turning to face Maria again.

"Really? Look at you. You've put up a careful wall to guard yourself, you carry a gun every day, probably have one or two at home. And yet you were attacked. You only think you're in control. You're completely defenceless, and now you know it."

"You made sure of that," Olivia said, leaning in close to Maria.

"No, Detective, I didn't. I told you, I'm innocent. But nice try. You're very good at your job. If I was of lesser intelligence I might even fall for it. Pretending to let your guard down, get overly worked up, giving me my control in an attempt to lower my defences. But you can't make me confess to a crime I did not commit."

"She's too smart, too aware of what's going on, she'll never confess," Huang said to Cragen and Elliot, shaking his head.

Elliot, Olivia and even Huang continued to interrogate her, but Maria wouldn't break. She remained calm and in control the whole time. Olivia wanted to scream when they were forced to let Maria go, and she went to the crib while Maria was being released in an attempt to keep herself calm.


	21. Chapter 21

Chapter 21

They continued the investigation, with Munch and Fin keeping an eye on Maria, but nothing happened. They couldn't find anything useful and Jon and Munch kept a close watch on Maria. She led them to a house in Queens. When they executed a search warrant (Casey knew a judge that owed her a favor), they didn't find anything in the house that would help their investigation. Munch and Fin were forced to give up their search and continued their stakeout.

Back at the precinct, Olivia was becoming restless with the lack of information. She felt sick to her stomach whenever she though about Maria. And she felt like bursting into tears whenever she thought about Tori. She sat back and found herself daydreaming about him, everything they'd done together. She thought about the first day they met, eating crepes together, watching the excessive amount of maple syrup drip down his fork and onto his fingers. And about his insisting on the nickname Ben. She had hated it at the time, she still did, but in a way she missed hearing him say it. If anyone else tried to call her Ben she would probably give them a nice uppercut to the jaw, but for some reason it didn't bother her when it came from Tori's lips. She remembered the first time they kissed, his lips so soft against hers, the taste of chocolate on his tongue from the fondue they'd made. She thought about that aftermath of their dinner…

The phone rang, startling Olivia out of her daydreams. She reached over her desk and picked it up. "Detective Benson."

"You know, I feel I'm being a little unfair," the smooth female voice on the other end said. Olivia's jaw clenched. "I didn't leave behind a shred of evidence, did I? That's hardly fair."

"Tell me where he is." Olivia had to fight to keep the snarl out of her voice.

"I know you're watching me, your colleagues. I'll admit it wasn't easy getting out of the house, but I have special escape routes. Luckily they were too stupid to find them. Maybe you're tracing this call; I don't know, and it doesn't matter. I've had my fun, and now I'm ready to accept the end. I always knew you'd be the end of me; it's why I chose you. You're damaged, Olivia, just like me. Your heart is nothing more than a bruise wrapped in scar tissue. You've subjected yourself to the horrors of humanity and you've sacrificed your happiness. I considered chasing you, hunting you, tormenting you wherever you went, but Tori was an interesting development. A good choice, very cute. I decided to give you a taste of happiness, to show you just how much you've sacrificed. And now, Olivia, you're going to make the ultimate sacrifice. It's either your life or his. I'll let you choose. About 3 years ago you left your date to work a case, possibly the most heart wrenching and rewarding of your career. I saw you in the newspaper. It happened in an old store, across from an open lot. Come, find your memories. Say goodbye, Tori."

"Ben, don't do it. You deserve a chance at life, at happiness. I love you, I want you to be…" Olivia swore at the top of her lungs and threw the phone off her desk. She began to sob, but it was like nothing she'd ever felt. This was beyond heartache, beyond despair, she felt like her heart was being ripped into tinier and tinier pieces. She sank to her knees, unable to support her own weight any longer. It was unbearable pain; she just wanted it to end. 'And it will. You can finally do it. Point a gun at that bitches head and don't think twice.'


	22. Chapter 22

Chapter 22

**There's another chapter after this, but I personally think it's a cheesy ending. I think this chapter is where it should have ended, but I wanted to give the fans a choice. So if you appreciate an artistic ending, don't read the next chapter. If you like everything to be neatly tied up, by all means, continue on.**

Cragen had been listening to the phone call. When Olivia collapsed, he'd wanted to comfort her, but Huang shook his head. When she steadied herself and stood up again, he walked over to her. "Do you know what case he's talking about?"

Olivia nodded, not bothering to wipe the tears still slowly rolling down her cheeks. "Maria. She's talking about the lot where we found Maria. It's her idea of a joke, I guess."

"I'll call in swat, we'll have the place surrounded," Cragen said, but Olivia shook her head.

"No. This is personal."

"Olivia, you're not going in there alone, there's no way I'm gonna allow that."

"She'll know they're coming after her, she'll kill him if we surround the place. I'm going in alone." She went to her locker and grabbed her coat.

Cragen wouldn't let her go completely alone. He followed her and got into the car, despite Olivia's protest. He called for back up, but told them to stay far away from the scene until her gave the orders. "You're my best detective, Olivia. I don't want to see you get hurt."

"I've never been one to show my emotions, captain, you know that. My personal life, as nearly nonexistent as it is, has always been my own. But I love him. Head over heels, over the moon in love with him. She's right, I've sacrificed everything for this job, and I'm sick of it. This is my last chance at having a life. If he dies, that chance goes down the drain, and I might as well kill myself. I always thought I had too much to live for to just let it all go, but you know what? I really don't. So one of two things is gonna happen. Either we're both gonna walk out of there alive..." She shifted aggressively "...or we're both gonna die in there. And knowing that for sure, knowing what it all comes down to…I've never been more ready to face a perp."

Cragen felt unnerved by her speech. He was chilled by how willing she was to walk to her death. But he knew, no matter how much it hurt, that she had to do it. He knew without a doubt that if backup went in too early and Tori was killed, Olivia wouldn't be able to deal with the trauma. If he was going to lose his best detective, he would rather lose her in a blaze of glory than a last desperate attempt to end her pain. Maybe he would face disciplinary action for this later, but he had to do it for Olivia.

Olivia parked not far from the empty lot. It was getting dark. She and Cragen both got out of the car and she felt numb as she walked away from him, towards the store where she had once raced to save Maria. It felt like a lifetime ago. She could hear sirens in the distance, very faintly, but she knew they wouldn't come any closer, not until Cragen gave the order, and she knew he wouldn't. She hoped he could live with his decision if she died.

She drew her gun before entering, but she let her arm hang by her side. She knew what she was facing. She walked into the store, which was unlocked, and slipped inside. It looked almost the same as she remembered it, though it was more desolate after years of neglect. She headed down the stairs to the room where Maria had once posed for her kiddie porn photos. Tori was sitting on the bed, his hands and feet bound, and sitting behind him holding a gun to his head was the woman Olivia had seen weeks before. She smiled.

"Olivia, you came. I must admit I had my doubts. Have a seat, I insist." Olivia sat down on the stairs, not letting go of her gun. Most perps would insist she put down her gun, but this woman knew that not only did she not have a clear shot, but she wouldn't risk Tori's life.

"Nice to see you again," Olivia said, keeping her voice light and casual, sitting as if she were just hanging out with friends.

"I hope you appreciate the irony of our location," Maria said, smiling.

"I do. This place holds a lot of significance for me, it was a good choice," Olivia said. She glanced at Tori. There was a stack of jars on the floor that were filled with what Olivia assumed was his blood. She couldn't tell how many there were, but she knew it was too much. Tori could barely keep his eyes open. He was pale and seemed to be leaning against Maria.

"Ah yes, the blood. I intended to send it to you, taking only a little at a time, but you and your colleagues ruined my plans. However, I couldn't simply let him go unharmed. I'm surprised he's still awake, he's lost quite a lot of blood." Tori opened his eyes a little wider and looked at Olivia. He smiled his adorable, crooked smile. Her heart melted and tears came to her eyes, but she fought them back.

"What do you want from me, Maria?" Olivia spoke calmly.

"It's simple: I want you to tell me whose life is more important. Would you rather I kill him or you? I know I'm not walking out of here; I have nothing to lose. I might as well have the last laugh. It's your choice. I'm willing to let one of you walk out of here unscathed."

"Just leave, Ben. I couldn't live with it," Tori said, his voice hoarse and strained.

Olivia didn't want to reward Maria by crying, but she couldn't hold back her tears. She ignored them, looking back at Maria. "You can't do this. We can all leave here alive. I can get you a good deal."

"You think I'm going to let you throw me in a cage? I'd much rather leave this world than let that happen. And I'm going to leave it on my own terms."

Olivia nodded. "Tell me, why the photos? Why the shadow?"

"You don't know? The shadow represents the darkness of your soul. The sacrifices you've made in your life. The pain you can't sever yourself from."

"You said you were my shadow, but not my co-workers'."

"My actions were causing you pain, they were darkening your soul, not anyone else's."

"But you gave them a shadow because of course they have one, even if it has nothing to do with you."

"Exactly."

"And the business cards, the numbers?"

"I had to make it clear who my real target was. The numbers were to make sure you knew exactly how many victims there were. I knew they wouldn't all come forward, especially since they didn't remember anything. That's why I changed their clothes and threw their clothes everywhere. I didn't want to destroy property, it wasn't about hurting them; it was about hurting you."

"And you had to rape them because if you didn't I wouldn't be investigating the case."

"Right again."

"So why me?"

"You're damaged. I've seen you in the newspaper many times. I knew you'd worked for SVU longer than was healthy. I knew you'd have to be damaged to subject yourself to that everyday. You were the perfect target."

"And Casey?"

"You care about her, I knew you'd feel guilty about leaving if I targeted her. And she's damaged, too. Not as deeply as you, but the damage is still there. Now, enough questions. Choose, Olivia. You life or his."

"I can't do that, Maria." Olivia said, still keeping her voice calm.

"I had a feeling you might say that. But you know what? It's okay. I left my mark in the world, and isn't that what we all want? To be remembered, long after we're gone? You should feel very special, Olivia."

"Why is that?"

"Because I chose you. I could have gotten away with this, Olivia, and you know it. It was my clues, and my revealing myself that lead you to me at all. And if I hadn't called, you wouldn't be here. I could have killed Tori and no one would ever prove it was me. But I didn't keep quiet. I want to leave this world, Olivia. The pain, the evil, the lies, it's too much. It has been for a long time. But I can't just leave. I needed to make my mark on the world, and I have. So I'm through, Olivia. And either you come with me, or I let you feel the pain of wishing you had. I wanted to let you choose, but now that I see you two together, I've change my mind. I'm not giving you the luxury of an escape. You can eat your gun yourself." There were two loud blasts and an anguished scream. Cragen heard the shots from outside and called in the backup and the paramedics. He, along with every other SVU detective, prayed that Olivia was still alive.


	23. Chapter 23

Chapter 23

**Okay, so I do actually like the idea of ending it there, leaves a lot of room to the imagination. Kind of artisitic. But I couldn't leave all you loyal fans hanging like that. So here's the REAL last chapter. Keep an eye our for my new story, Coming Back to Bite. Again, mostly Liv, haven't yet decided if it's gonna be E/O. Anyway, read on and enjoy! Constructive criticism always welcome **

Olivia crawled over to Tori, who had collapsed on the bed. Maria was lying on the floor, her brains scattered everywhere. Tori's abdomen was gushing blood and Olivia quickly pulled off her jacket and pressed it on the wound. Tori couldn't stand to lose any more blood; he was going to die of blood loss if they didn't do a transfusion. The backup rushed in, followed closely by the paramedics. "He needs a blood transfusion NOW." Olivia yelled, her whole body shaking.

"We don't have blood with us." The paramedic said. Olivia nodded to the jars on the floor, "That's all his, use that."

The paramedics didn't think it was a great idea, but Olivia screamed at them that he would die without it. Knowing that she was right and he had lost far too much blood, they hooked in an I.V. and started running blood and fluids into him. Olivia watched helplessly as the covered the wound in bandages and rushed him to the ambulance. She jumped in without a word and rode with them to the hospital. She felt like she was coming apart at the seams; she didn't think she could handle it any more. She felt like she'd shed enough tears for 50 lifetimes and had her heart broken enough for 50 more.

"Olivia!" Elliot jogged down the hallway towards her, followed by Casey, Fin, Munch and Lake.

Olivia stood up, her eyes weary from exhaustion and sadness. Elliot wrapped his arms around her and she leaned against him, glad for the support. Casey rubbed her back reassuringly while everyone else crowded around them. Olivia couldn't express how much she appreciated having them there with her. Normally she tried to hide her emotions from all of them, but now she was perfectly content to accept their support.

Elliot released her and took a step back when Cragen walked towards them. Olivia looked at him for a minute, misty eyed, then hugged him. She'd never hugged Cragen before, never even considered it, but she couldn't possibly express the depth of her gratitude. Maybe he had doubts about what he'd done, but she really believed it had been the right thing, and she wanted him to know that. Once he recovered from his initial shock, he returned Olivia's embrace. They stayed like that for a long minute, then released each other, a little awkwardly. "Thanks, captain," she said. He nodded briskly and Elliot and Casey returned to comforting her.

"How's he doing?" Fin asked, his voice soft and kind, showing a side of him they didn't often get to see.

"He's still in surgery, but they can't tell me anything because I'm not family. His sister's on her way, but she won't be here until tomorrow."

They all sat down in the waiting area. Olivia fell asleep with her head on Elliot's shoulder and everyone else drifted in and out of sleep in their seats. Olivia woke up the next morning to see Mercedes asking about Tori at the front desk. She walked over and introduced herself, not really caring that she was covered in blood and otherwise looked like hell. They didn't have to wait long to talk to the doctor.

"Bad news," Olivia said when she had rejoined everyone. She was looking at Elliot.

"What?" Elliot asked, hoping she could handle whatever happened to Tori.

"I'll never be able to give you a kidney," she said with a heavy sigh.

It was so unexpected that Elliot's brain almost couldn't process the information. Everyone else was completely lost. Then Elliot smiled, "You're Tori's blood type?"

Olivia nodded and smiled, "He donated a kidney when he was a teenager, and the bullet wrecked the one he had left. So I'm gonna be sticking around her for a while. You should all go home and get some rest."

SVUSVUSVUSVUSVUSVU

A year later Tori and Olivia were married. They both knew how they felt and they didn't want to wait, after all they'd been through. They'd have married sooner, but Tori had a lot of things he needed to sort out before moving to a new country. Olivia had considered leaving SVU more than once after the situation with Maria, but she couldn't leave. No matter how bad things had been, she still loved her work. And because she had Tori, it made dealing with victims easier because she could go home and know Tori was there to comfort her. She vented about her shitty day, then he vented about his, and then they both forgot about it all and just enjoyed being with each other. It wasn't perfect; their schedules were crazy. But Olivia couldn't ask for a better husband, or father for her child; a son, named Ben Swanson.


End file.
